I really need some support, please help me - Part 97

By marathonmel7 · Oct 15, 2014 · ·
  1. Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    I don't feel like I can emotionally get through this day. My mom is mad at me that I complained to her how depressed I was. I don't get why she's mad. She at least is at home with family while here I have nothing or no one. I feel so drained and unexcited. I can't find a job. My account balance is diminishing and shortly I will have no money until my check gets here. My shrink called me over and over today but I refused to answer. She wants to hospitalize me and put me in rehab. Fuck her. I have a job to do and can't just leave everything and camp out in rehab. Plus I don't need rehab. I am clean and will continue to be clean. Fuck her. I'm not calling her back either.

    It's now almost five today and I've done nothing today but run and lay around. Not a life I want for forever. I have to wait until my check arrives before I can go to the DMV to get my vehicle squared away. Ugh… I feel like complete and utter shit. I don't even want to be high but I don't want to be me right now. I guess this is PAWS… I don't know. WHatever it is, it sucks. I don't want to deal with it. I need to feel stable in getting through all of this. Now, I don't feel good. I ate something and it feels like it's going to come back up. I don't know here… I just don't know.

    marathonmel7 added 99 Minutes and 11 Seconds later...

    Just found out a dear friend of mine wants to od on heroin. He wants to end his life. I feel like the same but you don't see me giving in. I don't know what to say to help him. I'm trying to be there for him but he's in northern california and i'm in socal. I can't physically be there to help him just via text. This is the topping to my cake right here. I don't know how much more I can take before I too, snap.

Comments

  1. Beenthere2Hippie
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    Mel,

    What I'm going to say to you is very important so please listen. It is not long and drawn out and full of bullshit.

    You are at the worst time in your life. If you give into your emotions to give up, then you won't have a future at all. And neither will your dog. Remember your sweet pup?

    Okay, so mom has no patience or understanding. That sucks but still not reason to dump your life and your dreams. You're having a really bad day. Hell, you've had a few really bad weeks now, but you still have your dog and your home. That's more than many people ever get. And that's no bullshit at all. Vent all you want, darlin,' but do keep things in perspective.

    Also, you may be clean of heroin, but you are not clean in your head. You still have to find out why you needed to get high in the first place, and what you can do to change your thinking so it does not happen again. That kind of inner change takes time and the help of a therapist. There is no easy way around, or millions of others who have been where you are at this moment (likely in the depths of PAWS) would have taken that way out a long time ago. But no such way out exists. You have to tow the load. Sorry but it's true.

    We're all here rooting for you, Mel, Hug your dear dog and look around the home you've been blessed with, and do not--please do not--give up. Vent here; it's the healthiest online place to do so, my friend. And fuck everyone else but yourself at the moment. You come first now (and the pup second).

    Sending good thoughts and concern-

    BT2H
  2. Booty love
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    please stay strong Mel. You know shit will get worse before it gets better, you can't forget that, please don't give in! i hate to say this....but you need to embrace the suck!! cause life is gonna suck for awhile, you have dug such a hole its gonna take some time and lots of suck, to get yourself above ground again. Just don't lose faith in yourself, you can do this Mel, i truly believe you can. Please just calm down and ty not to look to far into the future, take things slow, your health is number 1 and your mental state is part of your health, try to just takelife one right descision at a time. As long as you make everyfuture descision the right descision and don't worry about the ppast and what you cant control, then things will hopefully get better. Your not in too deep to get out, i have been in your shoes, different drug but same form of slavery. Just make us happy and continue to fight for life and stay clean. BE STRONG!!!
  3. jennifer_k
    Re: Heroin; I really need some support, please help me.

    What is so bad about going to rehab? I've been, and I can tell you it is not as bad as you may think! I am clean now (almost 7 years).

    How about a pros and cons list? Honestly take a moment and write down the pros and cons of going to rehab versus white-knuckling this on your own. I will give you a head start on the pros ...

    Pros

    Medical assistance! You will have doctors and professionals keeping an eye on your physical and mental condition. They will be able to control your WD symptoms.

    Counseling! Professionals at your disposal whenever you need to talk.

    Peers! People going through the exact same thing who can truly understand your situation.

    A Plan! People who will help you make a solid plan to maintain your sobriety.

    Abstinence! A safe place away from getting the next shot in a moment of weakness.

    Support! An entire staff who wants you to succeed. It would not surprise me if your mom came around, either, and fully supported you.

    Knowledge and therapy! An education in addiction and solid strategies on how to fight it and manage your emotions and life. You are in this mess because of the way you THINK. You have to change your thoughts or else nothing else will change. A rehab can offer you strategies to help you get started on changing your thinking. We addicts, alcoholics, etc all have one thing in common--we are neurotic when it comes to managing our emotions. That is why we turn to substances to manage them for us. In order to achieve long-term sobriety, we must learn ways to manage emotions.
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