I went into the therapist yesterday.
I left feeling really good about it. She is compassionate and experienced.
I just woke up and don’t feel as good about it and I really want to use. I was told that is going to be normal in the beginning while going through this.
She told me I have PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and told me I am full of holes. Like swiss cheese lol. It all makes sense and I am grateful for it.
I was 100% honest with her. Held nothing back and let her know that I was ready to fight. She told me I am her number one priority now and she took time to get me in a lot earlier than normal. Only cried once.
I am pretty fucked up is what I got from that. Lots of trauma and crazy stuff. I didn't realize it to be honest, I guess when you find your way of coping with drugs and alcohol or whatever your crutch is you end up burying the reason why you are doing it in the first place.
She does a mix of western and eastern medicine. I was a little dubious of the eastern medicine stuff, still am a bit, but she was so kind that I am willing to try anything at this point to get out of this living hell hole.
Just kind of rambling now. I have 3 follow ups over the next 2 weeks. I will update you if you want. I oddly feel kinda fucked up right now.