I will never become dry - Part 1

By Alien Sex Fiend · Apr 29, 2015 · ·
  1. I ve been on DF for a long time but this is probably the first attempt to use DF as it has been intended for: Harm Reduction.
    Alcohol has been my vice for at least five years, significantly worsening in last 3. My main concern is my behavior and hated terrible hangover I experience from alcohol. Alcohol is a legal drug that brought me more legal troubles than all illegal drugs altogether. Im going to break up this long ass post in pieces by years of significance to my abuse

    1-2 Years
    I drink beer only, lots and lots of Heineken, 10 at a time

    I guess it all started with wild partying, 200 people house parties. By this time I was already a multiple times every day pothead for previous 4 years in high school.

    Then out of nowhere pot started to give me worsening panic attacks. After quitting, I tried to replace the void with alcohol which although legal and sold on every corner turned out to be a different beast.








    Alien Sex Fiend added 0 Minutes and 37 Seconds later...

    3rd Year
    Still drink beer, switched to cheaper brand Blue, 13 at a time

    As my drinking to get drunk progressed to 3times a week, i distanced myself from drinking buddies and parties altogether. I tried watching a movie every time I drank, thats when I found out I lose interest in the movie as I run out of alcohol. I began drinking for the length of a movie which produced even worse effect; because as I finish the movie I am badly smashed and bored. Another pass out, and hangover next morning.

    Hangover. Nobody wants to hear about hangover. I learned that to get drunk, with my tolerance equals I will always end up with hangover. But thats not the worst part coming...








    Alien Sex Fiend added 1 Minutes and 15 Seconds later...

    4th Year
    Switched to cheap vodka, spend $2500 in one year alone on vodka, never visited a bar

    The longer I drank the more reckless my behavior became. I no longer could focus on studying and alcohol really halts all my beginnings. I became unemployable. To cut the story shorter, here is a list:

    > I was fired
    > I dropped out of college one day before I was to be kicked out from school
    > I gained weight from 125 pounds to 170
    > I trashed my apartment multiple times and broke things on purpose, I ripped my shirts in shreds and walked around in shirts with holes. I punched through a working TV, I punched a mirror resulting in 60 stitches on my fist, white bones were visible, etc.
    > I got in several fights
    > I got myself arrested and jailed
    > Family stopped talking to me at this point
    > Mom is afraid of me when Im drunk
    > Broke, I got into $18000 debt and another $600 debt
    > I became homeless after release

    Just before I became homeless, I was already binging. Usually a binge would last close to a week. It wasn't enjoyable at this time, as you may imagine. Drinking to forget hangover, eww!










    Alien Sex Fiend added 1 Minutes and 40 Seconds later...

    5th Year
    Switched to Canadian Club and Jim Beam, both seem to be easier on my stomach

    Hangover is starting to get to me. I received and moved in a social housing project I applied for the year earlier in inner city ghetto. By 2014 I have been hospitalized 10 or 11 times. Alcohol poisoning resulted in levels between 0.26-0.38. I knew I was overdosing, because I was indoors, yet my body felt like Im standing in a storm, kinda this wind against the skin feeling.


    Hangover is 55 hours long on average after a binge, my stomach is messed up and it takes 5 days to feel sober again. Not good at all. It felt like I suffered from a chronic illness I pay for.









    Alien Sex Fiend added 2 Minutes and 9 Seconds later...

    Conclusion
    Family doesn't invite me for Christmas. Last Xmas, I started to cut down. Slowly but surely it seems to be working. I drink fortified wine. 400-500ml of 20% Ripple seems to quench my thirst. I do not do drinking sessions, I drink this potion in half and hour before bed.

    I know I'd probably never stop drinking completely. I hope I can mold myself into normal drinking,
    I ve had one sober week and I don't crave alcohol. I don't feel shame or guilt. However, my mood is totally out of control, I laugh, I snap into anger, I have ocd-like behavior. I suffer from nightmares every night, nightmares so bad I wake up in the middle of night. Members suggested I may have PAWS.

    At this point Im going to leave this...

Comments

  1. LuLu81
    Alcohol is such an insidious drug.

    I was an alcoholic from 06-08, when I gave up heroin and stuck to my methadone. I only quit because of health problems.

    My BF on the other hand, is still an alcoholic. He has tried to reduce his drinking, got down to 10 cans of 4% lager per day, but for the past couple of years, he sometimes drinks more but never less than 10.

    He says he's fed up with it, yet does very little to help himself. He expects me to do things to help, which I will if he helps himself.

    Though I should add one thing he has done which I'm very proud of is, he has for the last year been diluting his lager with lemonade, 2 parts lager to 1 part lemonade. He still drinks the same amount but it has to be better for him.

    It doesn't help that we get his lager delivered every week from the supermarket, we spend on average £3000 a year (which is about $5500 Canadian dollars). Money that is much needed as things have broke which need replacing.

    The only things I can suggest ASF, is diluting your drink or perhaps for every drink you have, you drink a glass of water.

    At the very least, the water might help reduce the intensity of your hangovers.

    I don't know what else to say. I'm struggling to help my BF, so don't really know what advice to give you, I can only offer you encouragement.
  2. DeepGreenSea
    ASF-

    First: very proud of you for having the Giant Balls to say you need help. Nothing gets better without that step.

    Second: you have been hanging around one of the best DIY recovery resources in the world for years-so you have that going for you.

    Third: therapy, meetings,therapy group therapy....however you can get it and express yourself-but you must get out and engage with other alcoholics. If AA gets up your nose, ask to be referred for out patient treatment during one of your DR visits. Talking and sharing here is great too but actually seeing people react to your words, feeling their concern, making connections with other people further along in the process-it's such a relief.
    Fourth: don't stop CT even if you can!! Danger lies there. I know you know but must be said!
    Five: the panic attacks your started getting with the weed and your described Super
    Highs and Lows make me wonder if you might not need to be treated for another disease then alcoholism.
    Six: even taking baby steps at reducing helps-it helps your liver and kidneys begin to try to catch up.
    Seven: if you smoke cigs stop-most of the Hospice nurses I know say you can do
    One or the other and still live a reasonably long time 70 years or so. But smoke and drink heavily for an extended period and the Big C takes advantage.

    Those are my tips for now....
    One more: the past is just that-over. Focus on today-positive thoughts! Find thrn
  3. detoxin momma
    awwww man...cheap vodka.jim beam.yikes!!

    your body can not tolerate drinking like this for long.thats just all there is to it.

    my stepfather died at just 37.drank cheap vodka everyday threwout his entire 20's,up until he died.

    my brother in law died recently at age 53....cheap vodka right next to his bed.

    my husbands drink of choice used to be jim beam,he'd drink to the point of black out and vomit atleast 3 times a week.
    when the kids came along he switched to cheap wine.

    all I want to say to you is,if my husband can stop cold turkey,(hes going on a year and a half,dry)so can you.you just have to WANT to.
    that's what it all comes down to.

    sure we can say we want to,but actually meaning it is a whole different story.

    ASF,you need to take a good long look in the mirror,sober.
    you need to do some real soul searching.

    you are an intelligent, perfectly likeable guy.you deserve more out of life than what youre allowing yourself to have right now.
    but no one can give it to you.you have to take it.

    so,take control over this situation.things will only get as bad,or good,as you make them.
    we are the masters of our own domain.

    and I for one would love to see and hear that things are going great for you.

    never say never by the way(((:)vibes:))))hugs
  4. Alien Sex Fiend
    Thank You folks :vibes:
  5. Alien Sex Fiend
    im afraid of going drug free and i havent ate since tuesday
  6. Alien Sex Fiend
    Well I already managed to relapse and binge. I am trough hangover but still feel weak from not eating. That was horrible. Alcohol is a shitty drug to abuse. My room is trashed, I ate three times since last Tue, I puked three times.
  7. Notdonebeingspun
    (((Hugs))) ASF....tomorrow is a brand new day!
    Have you heard of Naltrexone ?
    It's a medication that blocks the cravings for alcohol. Naltrexone won't make you get sick like the other med Anibuse but it does have it's own list of requirements.
    Calling your doctor and asking about it would be the best.
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