In need of support, I want the sober life - Part 1

By runningaway · Feb 21, 2015 · ·
  1. Hi, I'm not really sure what to write or where to start, all I know is I need to share how I'm feeling. I am a binge drinker and consider myself an alcoholic, I don't have it in me to differentiate when it is appropriate to drink and when it isn't. A lot of my friends say I'm making things sound worse than they are and I'm just being too hard on myself, If I wasn't hard on myself I dread to think where I would be now! They say that I'm not that bad because sometimes I only have a few drinks, I consider these times just a fluke because most of the time I get so drunk that I embarrass myself and then spend the next couple of days with severe anxiety and I am unable to carry on as normal. To put it bluntly drinking is ruining my life.

    The most recent time was Thursday, I am a student nurse and am on placement at the moment, because of my drinking I overslept and then didn't turn up, I offered to work another day instead. This has to be it for me, but unfortunately I have been here many times before. I always leave it until I have to face some consequences until I decide to do something about my drinking.

    I used to inject heroin and crack but only for about 4 months and I stopped, the only time I do this now is if I am drunk otherwise I leave it well alone. I am nearly 27 and I want my life to change so badly but every time I go to sort it out I tell myself actually I am ok! I am going to go to a 12 step meeting tonight because I am isolating myself and have been cooped up in my room full of fear and depression and this is not good for me.

    I stay sober for about a week and then go out and drink again, I feel stupid posting this here because I don't wake up and crave alcohol, in fact it has the opposite effect on me, however, the way it messes with my mental health really concerns me and the fact that I am unable to stop even though I know it does this to me. I am quite angry with myself at the moment and I needed to write all this down before my brain forgets how bad it was!

    Anyway here goes... :)

Comments

  1. RobertT
    Congratulations! You have made the best decision of your life. Starting this journal and going to a 12 step meeting is about the smartest thing you could do for yourself right now. You are already at step one. I can guarantee you if you introduce yourself ar your meeting and say it is your first time there (I don't know if it is). you will get a ton of help and people who understand you will support you and be there for you right off the bat. It was hard for me to warm u pto people when I first went to meetings but the more I listened the more I felt like I was one of these people and they had something I wanted. I saw people that weren't just sober but happy as well. That is the main thing.If you are just staying sober so you won't drink it is harder than going for happiness and freedom. I got a spomsor andwhen I finished step 3, I noticed I was not having many cravings. What I am leading to with all this babble is if you can find a higher power (it can even be your higher sub conscious if you don't believe in God) deal with your past, and be of service to others, you can know a freedom that can't be put into words.

    You are already helping others. Someone that doesn't know if they have a drinking problem or not might read this page and discover there is someone out there that is like them and there is hope if you decide to try. Someone else may decide to quit drinking because they read what you wrote. You are doing great things. Keep this thread going and write often and people will write back in support of your goals. Go to meetings and learn about yourself and change some faces and places in your social net work and you will be joyous and free as they say.

    Sorry to make this so long I am just exited for you. Even if you stumble your way just the fact that you have this goal will make your life better in many ways.. never give in to the feelings of shame and guilt. We all have a past and you arefighting for your future. Stumbling blocks are just learning experiences.

    Good luck and write soon
  2. frizz
    Hi, well done! You know you have a problem and you want to stop so you will make it eventually. Don't listen to other people, they may say you don't seem to bad but they don't know how you feel.

    Have you tried aa? It really helped me a lot. I was fairly young and scared but it probably saved my life.

    I was like you in that it gave me anxiety and messed with my mental health. Quitting drink was seriously the best thing I ever did. So much happier now and have less problems in general.

    Good luck.
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