Hi, I'm not really sure what to write or where to start, all I know is I need to share how I'm feeling. I am a binge drinker and consider myself an alcoholic, I don't have it in me to differentiate when it is appropriate to drink and when it isn't. A lot of my friends say I'm making things sound worse than they are and I'm just being too hard on myself, If I wasn't hard on myself I dread to think where I would be now! They say that I'm not that bad because sometimes I only have a few drinks, I consider these times just a fluke because most of the time I get so drunk that I embarrass myself and then spend the next couple of days with severe anxiety and I am unable to carry on as normal. To put it bluntly drinking is ruining my life.
The most recent time was Thursday, I am a student nurse and am on placement at the moment, because of my drinking I overslept and then didn't turn up, I offered to work another day instead. This has to be it for me, but unfortunately I have been here many times before. I always leave it until I have to face some consequences until I decide to do something about my drinking.
I used to inject heroin and crack but only for about 4 months and I stopped, the only time I do this now is if I am drunk otherwise I leave it well alone. I am nearly 27 and I want my life to change so badly but every time I go to sort it out I tell myself actually I am ok! I am going to go to a 12 step meeting tonight because I am isolating myself and have been cooped up in my room full of fear and depression and this is not good for me.
I stay sober for about a week and then go out and drink again, I feel stupid posting this here because I don't wake up and crave alcohol, in fact it has the opposite effect on me, however, the way it messes with my mental health really concerns me and the fact that I am unable to stop even though I know it does this to me. I am quite angry with myself at the moment and I needed to write all this down before my brain forgets how bad it was!
Anyway here goes...