I've been mainly just on valium for a week after twenty years of xanax - Part 34

By anywherebutup · Sep 5, 2014 · ·
  1. Sorry not to be here much. Work has really kicked up. I hope you're managing. Those are bigger cuts than I could take, so all power you there! Kudos!

    I'm down to 17 mg of valium as of Aug 31. Getting there seemed impossible, and I had to drop by 1/2 mg for three days before (from 18 mg -- where I had been stuck for almost three weeks with symptoms).

    Currently: 6 mg valium am / 6 mg noon / 5 mg afternoon -- although usually, I wind up taking it all by noon at this point since none of it seems to do anything much. I feel nothing from it. It feels like much too little.

    I'm feeling like my thoughts are racing, like I cannot focus because of it, like I can't slow down my voice at all, like I want to walk and walk and walk (it's been nearly impossible to sit still), and my emotions are extremely volatile, mainly anger more than sorrow. Haven't felt this way since I was a teenager. My heart rate has sometimes been higher but not actually racing. I've had slight chills here and there. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin much of the time. But I'm still better than during the last xanax taper, so I am hanging in there: I am not hallucinating at least, or having confusion about what's happening inside and outside of me (am I thinking this or is this real? I still feel like I'm just thinking this...) and while I am much more anxious than usual, and feel avoidant of other human beings, I can usually drive although have been taking creative routes not involving freeways. That's kind of how I was before I was on benzos, so I wonder if this isn't withdrawal but just my normal problem coming back... which does not make me happy since therapy doesn't work for it all (I was in therapy of all kinds for almost a decade before finally starting benzos, which helped in one dose, and caused no side effects, resolving all of my anxiety and agorophobia problems).

    One new thing is obsessive thoughts. I've never had before. Now my mind is going in circles, churning up the worst stuff, often on repeat, repeat, repeat.

    Work has been hard. Taking more meds don't seem to work now, so I am mainly just doomed and am underperforming severely, and several people have asked me if I am okay. I am blaming not enough sleep and too much coffee, and people seem to be buying that answer for how spun I feel.

    I wonder if I'll stabilize or if it's going to keep being this way for another 17-32 weeks or whatever...


  1. Roaddoggy
    ^^^Well my friend I am sorry you are suffering. I wish I had an answer to your question about leveling out? I just don't know. I can tell you this, I was suppose to make a cut 6 days ago, but am holding. I am also trying to stabilize. I handled the first cut pretty well so I went into the second cut thinking no problem, I got this. Well now I'm in the same Boat as you. I'm in the tall weeds, so to say.

    I am experiencing every symptom you listed, and some. For instance I cant remember the most basic things. I'm pretty depressed, have insomnia, Hellish wake ups, in the morning. I also have repetitive thoughts. Well I think what you call the chills, I call the skin crawls. Also I have become so antisocial. I don't want to be, around anyone, but my wife. I work on a farm, so I have been very reclusive lately too. I don't even want to talk on the phone. I'm always telling my wife, Tell them I'm out in the field. Also my work has been lagging.

    I'm with ya , on all that. I guess I have been told, from another Forum, that's specializes with Benzo tapering to hold, a few days, and if that dose not work, up dose a .5mg, for a week, then see how I feel. I was told some times you have to go up, in order to go down. I have not up dose yet. I am just holding, hoping I feel better but today isn't going well. I should be working, but instead I'm obsessing on the computer. Trying to find anything that will make me feel better.

    My wife is also going through the same thing. We are basically going to hold for another week, and if that dose not work, I guess Ill up dose by a .5mg for a week, or maybe 1mg. I don't know, sometimes that can help, other times it doesn't. Its a crap shoot. Anyway keep on posting, so we know how your doing. Much love. Roaddoggy....
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