ive finally jumped from 20 year Heroin habit - Part 68

By charliecat · Aug 13, 2014 · ·
  1. La di la thanks for your post
    I do carry out your advise every time I go through this but once that "fuck it" moment comes I do what ever I have to to go score no matter how difficult I tried to make it for myself.

    I need to grasp and act on the fact that I can stop the process at any time from phoning dealer..driving to pick up...putting that needle in my arm
    I can understand how it must be so frustrating to family of addicts to watch them relapse time and time again..but no one can truly understand what an addiction is like until they been there

    It seems like as soon as I have that split second "fuck it" moment I'm off out the door and don't even to try and talk my self out of it as feels like I have already gone past the point of no return but of course like I said I am free to say no at any point
    I hope to have the strength during this withdrawal to be able to stop/stall myself during one of these moments and question what triggered it and maybe just maybe the craving will pass

    As I type this all the horrible physical symptoms are peaking and I feel like I just wanna crawl under a rock and stay there.
    I have been keeping up with other threads and it feels like recently lots of you have managed to get clean and while I am really pleased for you it also makes me feel a little sad that I can't do it as well. Any one who has got through an opiate detox has my up most admiration.
    I just hope that this time I can also cross over to the clean side
    C

Comments

  1. SoozyQ
    Charliecat,

    I have a suggestion for when the 'fuck it' moment hits. Agree with yourself you will wait an hour (or 5 minutes) and then another hour (or 5 minutes). When cravings peak, try to distract yourself.

    And remind yourself using in these moments leads you right back to where you are now. It solves nothing.

    I know this time in your life is really hard but you will feel better, sooner than you think.

    I'm sending you heaps of strength and love and support xxxxxxxx
  2. marathonmel7
    Hey CharlieCat! I've read through your journal and wow… you poor thing. I've never known anyone to go through withdrawals as much as you have. Why are you punishing yourself? That's a lot of stress on your body. I can empathize though. i am currently battling my addiction with the needle and heroin. I understand what it's like to use and then withdraw and then use and withdraw. You have to dig in though. You've got to get rid of those voices that tell you to use. Take it hour by hour if you have to. Just think, this won't last forever and how wonderful will you feel when you can look back on this and know that you've beaten this. I have faith in you and you have my support. Using can make you feel really lonely especially if you're hiding it from your family and friends. But you're not alone here.

    My question to you is why not use some comfort meds? I find that xanax really helps when the voices are telling me to use. I take one of those pills and it really calms my mind down and it keeps me from leaving the house to score. What about clonodine too? It's so helpful for coming off the junk. Take that three times per day and you're blood pressure will be lowered and it will really help. And what about a sleep aid for you? Can you take anything over the counter like unisom, dramamine, benadryl, etc. You should really get some meds to help you. Is there any way you can see a doctor maybe in another town? This all can be so much easier if you have some meds to help get you through. You've got to put a plan in place for your withdrawals. Go to the grocery store, get your meds and then dig in!

    Anyways, I digress. Do what you can for today and know that you'll get better with time. Time is our enemy when withdrawing and it's exacerbated by not sleeping. Try and get though this though. When you're feeling like you want to use, do what Soozy suggested and give yourself an hour and wait and so on and so forth. She is right, it really helps. Don't be spontaneous because you'll relapse. You can do this though. Hang in there. You have support from us all and we've all been where you are. Take solace in that.

    If you need anything or want to vent, you can DM me. I am fighting the same battle as you here kicking at a day and a half. Mine isn't so bad because I'm working and keeping my mind off the crap. I'm literally sweating out the toxins at work while cleaning houses. Customers don't really notice anyways.

    You can do this!! Take good care of yourself and get some comfort meds. They are a must. Don't make it so hard for yourself. You deserve this.
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