It's been the worse night ever but I think there is some glimmer of moving forward this morning..
There seems to be some moments of not feeling quite so bad. The pain in my joints and muscles is still high but I feel a little more at peace inside...I can actually sit still for more than a few minutes and I can see that it comes in waves and if I just calm down and breathe when it's at its worse it does pass.
I know it's only day 5 and I've been here several times over the past year but I'm feeling strong and am determined to get through another day..although I miss my kids not being here it's helped not having to cook, clean and try and appear like everything is ok when there here..hopefully by the time there back I'll be over the worst of this..
I'm passing time by planning all the things I can do once the shackles of this addiction are off..not to mention all the extra cash I will have...7 years in a well paid job and I have absolutely nothing to show for it..can't wait to splash money on my kids and house..I actually feel a little excited about the future
I still have not managed to have a bath, change my clothes or anything..yuk!! Although I'm not putting any pressure on myself I'm pretty sure if I forced myself and then went out for a bike ride I would feel good..it's weird but I'm scared to go out because coming home has always meant having a hit as soon as I get through the door..maybe I could buy some sort of treat to eat when I get home..I dunno though..food still not doing anything for me and not eaten anything for 5 days now
charliecat added 5 Minutes and 3 Seconds later...
Yeah that's what I'm gonna do now although it's still so early shops not open for few more hours but the sun is coming up and it looks like its gonna be a beautiful day..
I feel some loud music and a bike ride along the seafront is needed if my muscles will let me
Life could be so good if I just hang in there...