Fucking hell I've just had a complete mad moment this morning..
I went for a bike ride as fast as I could up and down seafront and ended up at my brothers where I smoked a joint with him and talked honestly..
On the way home on my bike as I was riding down a slope towards the water I started laughing out loud and had such flood of good feelings I actually wanted to WOOP and scream out loud..OMG heroin has never made me wanna do that..I laughed all the way home..it felt so weird and so dam good
It felt like a pivotal moment..why use heroin to numb all feelings when feelings can feel that good..I know there will be lows but fucking hell I can live with that if the highs are anything like what I just felt..that was better than any heroin high I swear..I still can't believe my body could feel that good without using its blown my mind..I've had Manic high moments lots of times during withdrawal but this one WOW..
Charlie's had a revelation..mind set is changing
charliecat added 3 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...
La di da
Your post was spot on and I read it on my return from having my almost spiritual moment so was lifted and spurred on even more..thank you
I just need to tackle this bath thing now..it's getting bad
charliecat added 16 Minutes and 0 Seconds later...
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charliecat added 1327 Minutes and 28 Seconds later...
Wham..I'm through another night
I actually got some sleep but boy is waking up an ordeal..it's like bang..eyes open..full blown withdrawals and anxiety..
A little better now as been awake since 3.30 and its now 0730 and I'm laying here watching good will hunting to try and keep my mind from screaming out to go use..
I am hanging on to the unbelievable feelings I had yesterday which felt almost magical/spiritual..hopefully it can get me through when feeling low
It's weird one minute I'm laughing like a mad person then I'm crying and wailing like the world is about to end. I'm trying to tell myself that any feelings good or bad is better than being completely numb 24/7. I suppose you gotta have lows to appreciate the highs
I think I will drag myself out for another bike ride in a bit before the rest of the city wakes on this Sunday morning..
I should go back to work tomorrow and kids will be back home so today is my last day of being able to be selfish and wallow in my withdrawals..apart from a face to face conversation with my brother I havnt seen or spoke to anyone for days but I think it has helped me get through the worst of this detox..I feel like I have literally been fighting for my life
Day 6 in a few hours
Finally managed to bath at last..Just gotta eat somehow today now