ive finally jumped from 20 year Heroin habit - Part 72

By charliecat · Aug 17, 2014 · ·
  1. Fucking hell I've just had a complete mad moment this morning..

    I went for a bike ride as fast as I could up and down seafront and ended up at my brothers where I smoked a joint with him and talked honestly..

    On the way home on my bike as I was riding down a slope towards the water I started laughing out loud and had such flood of good feelings I actually wanted to WOOP and scream out loud..OMG heroin has never made me wanna do that..I laughed all the way home..it felt so weird and so dam good
    It felt like a pivotal moment..why use heroin to numb all feelings when feelings can feel that good..I know there will be lows but fucking hell I can live with that if the highs are anything like what I just felt..that was better than any heroin high I swear..I still can't believe my body could feel that good without using its blown my mind..I've had Manic high moments lots of times during withdrawal but this one WOW..
    Charlie's had a revelation..mind set is changing

    charliecat added 3 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...

    La di da
    Your post was spot on and I read it on my return from having my almost spiritual moment so was lifted and spurred on even more..thank you

    I just need to tackle this bath thing now..it's getting bad

    charliecat added 16 Minutes and 0 Seconds later...

    Tryhard
    Your message box is full..delete delete delete

    charliecat added 1327 Minutes and 28 Seconds later...

    Wham..I'm through another night

    I actually got some sleep but boy is waking up an ordeal..it's like bang..eyes open..full blown withdrawals and anxiety..

    A little better now as been awake since 3.30 and its now 0730 and I'm laying here watching good will hunting to try and keep my mind from screaming out to go use..

    I am hanging on to the unbelievable feelings I had yesterday which felt almost magical/spiritual..hopefully it can get me through when feeling low
    It's weird one minute I'm laughing like a mad person then I'm crying and wailing like the world is about to end. I'm trying to tell myself that any feelings good or bad is better than being completely numb 24/7. I suppose you gotta have lows to appreciate the highs

    I think I will drag myself out for another bike ride in a bit before the rest of the city wakes on this Sunday morning..

    I should go back to work tomorrow and kids will be back home so today is my last day of being able to be selfish and wallow in my withdrawals..apart from a face to face conversation with my brother I havnt seen or spoke to anyone for days but I think it has helped me get through the worst of this detox..I feel like I have literally been fighting for my life

    Day 6 in a few hours
    Finally managed to bath at last..Just gotta eat somehow today now

Comments

  1. tryhard
    a Mate sounds like ya getting the hang of this now .... hope you are strong , ride the waves mate ,, hold those strong moments,,, those times life seems so real , it just wants to flow from you.....
    altho short and a bit mannic ,,,, these feels are powerfull CHARLIE ,,,use them mate ,WOW how strong are they mate .....

    i had and still do have many of these moments YAY ,, for feels .. ..how fucken good do you feel....
    just imagine a life made out of nothing but!!!!!

    see this for what it is mate ,progress.......
    good on you CHARLIE , you can do this ......

    i will empty D M box now so sorry mate..
    be cool , your rocking it ..........

    tryhard added 139 Minutes and 5 Seconds later...

    CHARLIE ,CHARLIE ,CHARLIE ,,,
    how good are you , dont look back , you know whats behind you ,, now wonder whats ahead.
    it gets better mate , a lot better ,, my hi,s are to the moon , like fucken sky hi ,, i would say i go from my normal to sky hi
    in a sorta manicy type way allday at work and thats cool , in my truck , alone 10 , 11 hrs and i can deal with up,s ok but the
    downs can be overwelming big time.....

    i have had 3 bad times where if i could have got on i would have ,, but you are only cheatting yourself Charlie , dont get me wrong mate , we are the same people Charlie you and me , a lot of us on here are all the same.. ..

    i know what holds you back , the same things that held me back for so long ....its alright Charlie , its all good ,,the lows seem to faid off as time gose by ,work is godsent ,, i would be fucked without it. .

    i have found my thinking is change,in.... befor could not have posibly live a day without it and a day without it was not a day..
    to now where many many other things are so much more important.. .. ..

    sorry i could not DM you , have lost a few ,, i type it ,, send it ,, service fails and clears lot ....
    so happy to hear how your going , you sound good mate ...

    keep rockin it Charlie, you kick ass .....
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