Thanks guys..I've been really low last couple of days
Brain in dark place and I keep trying to tell myself it's because of being in withdrawal but my brain trying to tell me that using again is the answer...like "I'll never be happy again if I don't use heroin" and I could save and have loads of cash if I stop but what's the point in being rich if your not happy. My brains throwing the lot at me...why shouldn't I use heroin daily other people have a drink or some treat at end of a hard day..what harm am I doing anyone it's my hard earned money..
I know these are all shit reasons to pick up and I'm not planning to act on them but the grind of that constant battle in the brain is really getting me down..no matter what I'm doing its in the front of my mind preventing me from giving anything 100% at the moment..it's all consuming and I'm sick of it...
Today is day 8 but I have a small confession and I don't know how much of an impact it may have on my detox..
Yesterday I felt like I was gonna crack and would do anything just for some relief from this mind set...it was to late to call dealer or I'm sure I would have...anyway I had a bottle of oramorph in the cupboard which was prescribed to my mum in Feb 2012. I remembered she took one dose from it of 2.5ml and was sick as a pig with the tiniest pupils I've ever seen lol. She never took it again and its sat in the cupboard ever since. I've never had any interest in anything else apart from IV heroin but I was so desperate I swallowed 5ml of it even knowing it was 2 1/2 year old...
I don't know if it was placebo or it actually had a real effect but I definitely felt calmer for a couple of hours..
Just worried now that it might drag the withdrawals on even longer because I put opiates in my body on day 7..
I can't seem to find any positives at the moment..
I still get really anxious about being at work..
Kitts I do wash and use wipes during the day but the problem is also once the sweat has soaked into my clothes and dried a few times where I go from hot flash to freezing cold in seconds..the smell seems to ingrain in my clothes after a while so I never wear anything nice when withdrawing...also I think sometimes the smell of perfumes on top of withdrawal sweat just doesn't mix don't know if it just me but seems to react and smell different from usual...or maybe I've got it all out of proportion and a super sensitive nose is a withdrawal symptom..
Let's hope mood lifts as day 8 continues because I really couldn't face another day feeling like this...I need to eat...I need to get some proper sleep..i need to stop feeling so restless and agitated...and I need to shut my fucking brain up so I can get some peace...