From somewhere I seem to have pulled it back today and am back on track..
Completed a day at work and didn't feel to bad..managed to tuck into a pile of sandwiches that had been left for us for coming in on a weekend..bonus..
Now back at home...
I think the combination of withdrawals and no sleep for days makes me little cranky so just getting sleep last night has made big difference..
Thefinisher thank you for all your support but feel I need to point out my "kids" are not children any more but grown and living with me...and yeah we had and have lots of conversations about the whole addiction thing so they are very aware..something I wish I had been armed with...I don't really wish to give any further detail about them but they are fine and doing well..there is no need to be concerned..
Kitts your post slapped me in the face and made me think and of course your right...if I don't do it this time I'm going to try and sort out a methadone taper. Something I thought I would never say but yes something does have to change. It's just so difficult to admit this got me beat and give up...even writing those words fires me up to wanna do this my way it's so so hard to think and admit to my self that maybe I can't I just havnt got it in me...and that sucks...but thank you for the wake up call. Seeing the options staring at me forced me to reconsider my thoughts about each of them...so I thank you for that.
But for now I still havnt given up with this attempt and am hoping my lapse hasn't set the withdrawals back to much although am experiencing some now and expecting more to come. I'm Feeling really determined and spurred on at the moment. I wish I could bottle the times I feel strong and keep some for those moments of weakness...
I know lapses are not good but I really feel so much better just for having got some sleep yesterday..clearly lack of sleep is a trigger for me so I might look at accessing a sleeping tablet something I have 0 experience with...
Hay I don't know anymore but it would of been day 9 tomorrow..yes I fucked up big time yesterday...but somehow I've managed to get another foothold and I'm back in the running..
charliecat added 663 Minutes and 15 Seconds later...
I'm back in the game..
No sleep at all last night but I'm ready for this...fuelled by anger I have found the brake pedal and both feet are slammed down..
Nothing gets the better of me..I need to remember who I really am as I know I've got the strength to get through this...I havnt survived over 20 years of addiction for nothing...I am strong..
For now I'm off to work for the day on my bike..
I can do this..
I am doing this...
Determination 10...Heroin 0