ive finally jumped from 20 year Heroin habit - Part 86

By charliecat · Feb 13, 2015 · ·
  1. I've been quiet recently and had almost resigned myself to a life of continued using and an early death but have found some strength from somewhere and am giving it another try. This is due to reading other threads where people have it so much worse than me but still manage to get clean.

    I'm just coming into day 4 of cold turkey and won't bore you with all the usual hideous symptoms which are all there. The cravings are not to bad this time and I am determined to try and get out for a walk everyday and eat something as am sure that laying on the couch covered in slimy sweat for days just makes me feel even worse.

    I won't go on to much as will look a complete fool if I screw this attempt up along with all my other attempts but I'm secretly optimistic that this might just be my time.

    charliecat added 892 Minutes and 51 Seconds later...

    I'm still hanging in there...it's just gone 4am and this is my 4th night on the trot with no sleep but no mad cravings still just very very sick..

    I watched trainspotting last night and although I love the film as seems to be quite realistic now every time I try and close my eyes I keep replaying the cold turkey scene where Renton is locked in his bedroom complete with sound track going over and over in my head. Years ago I found my friends baby in her cot after she died from a cot death (nothing to do with drugs) but boy that scene keeps coming back to haunt me along with all the other deaths I have witnessed. There faces swirling around and around me. My life has been spared when all around me lost there's. Why me? There has to be a reason. I'm gonna imagine there all up in heaven cheering me on to get clean. I am not alone as they are by my side guiding me through.

    I can do this

Comments

  1. prescriptionperil
    God, to find a dead baby would sear my heart. Life can be painful.

    I admire your tenacity, CC.

    I could not understand the dialect in that movie. I needed subtitles.

    Right now I'm doing an illicit slow sub taper off a decade of legal opiates for pain. I awoke stewing in my own sweat. not fun. my feet are ravaged by severe arthritis. I miss walking.

    Well, last day of hubby's vaca tomorroow. hah. I've been emotional. Plus, pissed at my adult son. Here comes the damn sweats. Haven't had a full agonist in a week. I binged, the last two days.



    Next up, the damn benzo.

    Someone will have to pry my MMJ out of my cold dead hands.

    Oh, I gotta get my ass on my recumbent exercise bike.
  2. marathonmel7
    Hey Charliecat, so glad to see you have updated your thread. I'm so proud of you for day 4! Woo Hoo! Keep going my friend. I know it's so hard. I really do know. But, I believe in you. Maybe this time it's your time? I surely hope so. I wish you the very best and if I could take away some of your pain I surely would. Just remember the pain is only temporary. The real work starts after you get clean.

    Just keep fighting. We are all here to support you. It's not easy and I know you've tried many times as did I but one day, I woke up and just had enough. I recommend you getting the needles out of your house. That helped me so much when I was weak and wanted to relapse. I knew I had no needles and I certainly wouldn't resign myself to waste the dope and smoke it and you can't snort tar really. So, that was a safety net for me. Maybe you could try that.

    I'm glad your cravings aren't so bad. Do you have any meds to help ease your withdrawals. I'd really hate to see you with nothing especially when there are meds that can really help ease a detox. Anyways, congratulations on your four or five days now. Keep up the good work. i will be behind you no matter the outcome. It took me almost 8 months to finally quit. I went through many relapses and it's ok, it's the end result that matters. I will caution you that heroin is really bad for your health. I have endocarditis as a result of my IV use. Docs think I've had it for awhile and now my body is literally crashing. I'd hate to see you go through the same thing I'm going through. So, try and use that for motivation. You have a family and friends that love you and we love you too! Stay strong and DM me anytime if you need something or just want to vent or scream. I am here for you always, relapse or not. Clean or not. I am here! Committed to you!
  3. Golddust Woman
    Hi CharlieCat,

    Glad to see you here, but not glad to see you suffering withdrawal. I am going through it right now after over a decade of opiate and benzo use. It really can be tough.

    I hate those looping thoughts and images of traumatic things that have happened in the past. You were spared for a reason, and please try to remember that. I believe we all have a purpose in this life for the good. I let negative self-talk take over too many times. We have the power within us to beat this opiate monster. We just need to find ways to slay the dragon because he is damn smart and knows how to use our fears and darkest:) thoughts against us.

    II am praying for your guardian angel to help you through this to a better life. It is there waiting for us, we just have to navigate the twists and turns that try to keep us from reaching the prize.

    I hope you are feeling a little better today. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe, as you begin to feel better you can do them and it will help distract you from the cravings. You have to remember that you are a good person and you deserve to be healthy and happy.

    I am here for you. Sending positive vibes your way. GDW
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