ive finally jumped from 20 year Heroin habit - Part 89

By charliecat · Feb 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Day 8 coming to an end..WOOP..WOOP
    I went back to work today which was very stressful but I made it through. Physically I don't feel that bad and cravings practically zero. I'm confused as to why I feel ok so early on and am actually getting exited about my future and making plans. What's going on There must be a catch and a fall is round the corner.
    If I could just stop the sweating... and occasional whole body jitters... and finally get some sleep tonight I think this really might be my time.

    Where are you A???

    charliecat added 445 Minutes and 19 Seconds later...

    It's 4am and i managed about 3 and a half hours sleep not bad for DAY 9 I suppose. I'm still laying in bed not sure how I feel yet. I woke up with my teeth and jaw clenched and stuck together from so much teeth grinding though...not nice

    Still no real mad cravings but I've not yet been really put to the test and I am aware from all the good advice everyone on here has given me that once the physical withdrawal is over the hard work begins. I never really believed that but I suppose it's because I've never actually fully made it out the other side.

    DAY 9 here I come

    charliecat added 1382 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

    Oh boy what a day I had yesterday...
    I had a horrible day at work and got really angry with a colleague and wanted to use and then I did something I've always found so difficult I reached out to a friend for the 1st time ever and begged them to help me with the cravings. Big mistake as I think I completely freaked them out and they didn't know what to say or do.

    Anyway I ended up trying to phone the dealer but there was no answer and then somehow I managed to talk myself down from a massive panic attack and the wanting to use. I ended up switching my phone off as I knew the dealer would call me back when he saw my missed call and I didn't trust myself.

    By some miracle I didnt use but I learnt I can't rely on anyone else to get me through this I and I alone have to do it. Anger and stress seem to be my main triggers at the moment. I'm usually so laid back I'm horizontal and these rages I've been having are exhausting and scary. I hate violence but seem to want to punch everyone and everything I see.

    I'm so tired as well. No sleep at all last night (it's 3.30am now) and its getting difficult to function or think clearly. It's DAY 10 and I think in all that time I've had less than 10 hours sleep altogether.

    Anyway I am going to concentrate and take strength from the fact that I havnt used and I'm 10 DAYS CLEAN. My last ever shot was Sunday 8th Feb. Wish

Comments

  1. Golddust Woman
    CharlieCat,

    You Go Girl!! Ten days or Eleven now. You are doing it!! You are the one that awesome. I am so happy for you. I know your emotions ate all over the place right now. This is a very tricky time for us. Please don't fall for that little voice. I get mad and punch pillows now. Lol. A little to old too risk breaking my hand. People at work can sometimes really make one want to clobber them.

    Yes, we are basically on our own when it comes to the drug cravings, but remember I am here and many others too that are willing to listen anytime you need to vent or fight off cravings. Just come here and write write, write about any and all things going through your mind. We all want to see you slay the dragon. God, I know it is hard. Praying you remain strong and that you begin sleeping better soon and the sweating subsides. We didn't get like this overnight and it will take time to feel really good again, but we will. Hang in there my friend. Love and Prayers are sent your way. GDW
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