Thank u very much I appreciate the support and hope one day this can help someone else!
I started my decent young around 11yrs I drank a lot my dad worked a lot and my mom wasn't in the picture so I had very little adult supervision. I started just taking drugs when I was drunk then I started just taking any and everything coke, meth, ecstasy, every hallucinogen, pills, cold and cough meds, anything someone told me made me high I took it (I was lucky I had good friends that kept me safe while I was messed up), then I tried heroin when I was 13 I just started shooting it right away and ignored everyone's warnings. I was a great hustler. Then when I was 17 I got a bad abscess on the back of my hand and I couldn't hide it so my dad found out and took me to the methadone clinic I continued to use for a while but eventually stopped just got tired of it and have been clean from everything but cannabis and methadone for 6yrs now. I made an attempt to taper before but my councilor refused saying I would relapse from cannabis use and they took me back up to my dose before I started tapering 200mg eventually that councilor was fired for being responsible for the death of another patient and an investigation started that got all the higher level doctors and nurses fired and they brought in an almost entire new staff I got a new councilor that has been supportive! It took a couple years but I finally tapered to 20mg but a fee increase and loss of Medicaid made me speed up my taper
For me the thought of going through withdrawal held me back. The withdrawal is what's hard for me. My son gives me a lot of strength and generally I've always been a happy person but I do worry a lot and am extremely weak when it comes to a lot of pain. I keep psyching myself out essentially I think to much!
Thank you again for your support I'm glad to have other people to talk to about this kind of stuff my husband has never used and my dad never used enough to get addicted and all the people I would ask about it to at my clinic were all very negative and not very helpful. Also sorry about my grammar that's the next thing I gotta work on.