First off, I just want to thank everyone else who have posted about their withdrawal experiences because they have helped me so much. I just want to share my experiences with those who are going through the same thing to let you know that you’re not alone. Everyone’s experiences are unique, so perhaps you’ll relate to some of mine and gain some encouragement. I won’t apologize for such a long post because the detailed posts were the ones that I valued most. If you are here to say that those who are experiencing difficult withdrawal are mentally weak or that physical withdrawal doesn't exist, please go to a different thread to bitch about us "mentally weak" people.
Ok, here goes...
I’m 24 years old, 5’6”, female, at 137 pounds, and have been smoking weed on and off for the last 6 years, although the first time I ever tried it was 7 years ago. (I can’t believe it’s been that long! You really lose concept of time when you’re high all the time.) After having moved to Washington state 6 years ago, it’s been easy getting access to medical marijuana, especially because my addict brother moved back in with the rest of our family. He convinced me that weed is “not a drug” through various clips of Kat Williams and other media sources. Naive and ignorant as I was, I smoked a lot, gained a lot of weight from munchies (which I can NOT control), and stopped exercising consistently. After quitting for a while to audition for college, I moved and he eventually followed into my apartment, where he proceeded to get high and watch movies all day. After he left, my sister moved in and we started smoking all the time together. She’s more disciplined, so we were able to smoke mostly at night, but it eventually got out of hand as well. We started waking & baking and tried to compensate for our munchies with intense exercise. After having moved in with our parents over a year ago, we still smoked every chance we got when they were gone.
8 months ago, I stopped for 2 months to prepare for a big concert and I was in the best shape of my life - physically and mentally. My sister and I worked out, sometimes twice a day, and practiced a lot. I was so happy that I was off of weed and that I had such a kick-ass concert. After the pressure of the performance was gone though, I gained almost ten pounds, without the aid of weed, and I started using again because I missed it. Now, 6 months later, I’m quitting because Im so sick of convincing myself that I will be able to achieve all of my dreams while still on weed. I think of weed whenever I’m not high and I hate having to chase people away just so I can smoke. I’m sick of telling myself that all I need is weed and my computer. I hated that the only time I was happy was when I was high and doing something unproductive. I was so sick of being green hazed and my skin was flipping out from all the sugar I consumed (I ate so many chocolate bars and cookies, I can’t even count). I gained a lot of weight; fortunately, I was able to drop the water weight quickly after working out and eating healthy.
I’ve tried to quit many times before. I’ve tossed out a lot of weed and many lighters over the years. I wasn’t particularly seeking help, but I ran into Tynan’s kindle book “Superhuman by Habit” on Amazon. I’ve been following his blog on and off for a few years, so even though I never buy kindle books, I bought his because I respect what he has to say. After reading it, I told myself that I need to shape up. Although the book doesn’t have anything to do with quitting weed, it helped me to take a look at my life and reflect on how I should change. This time, I’ve thoroughly convinced myself that WEED IS A DRUG and must be treated as so. I’m no longer telling myself that I’m quitting temporarily and that I’ll use again at a later date. Weed is not a light matter as many mistakenly make it out to be. I’m also an avid coffee drinker (2-3 cups a day), but I'm quitting coffee (which is also a drug) simultaneously and am quitting both cold turkey.
The thing that helped me most was focusing on the negative aspects of both. If you google “why I should quit coffee/weed”, you’ll get many helpful results. DON’T focus on the positive gains, which are very few and not worth the negative consequences, or listen to people who enjoy drugs. If you need to, cut your smoking buddies out of your life and immediately delete all contacts of people who have access to weed. My favorite places to go are cafes, so I don’t go there anymore either to avoid drinking coffee.
I made a list of the reasons I’m quitting in a document and read it everyday because it helps me reinforce my motivation behind quitting and I hope it may help you. This is a partial list:
- I want to achieve big dreams and need to be mentally focused on my tasks
- I need to work out twice a day and can't afford to be green hazed
- I want to be able to sleep without the aid of weed so that I’m not hazed in the morning
- I need to practice singing: coffee dries out the voice and weed smoke damages your fragile vocal chords as well as your lungs
- I need to lose weight and cannot afford to slip up because of munchies
- I don’t want to be dependent on any type of drug because I can’t function if I don’t have access to it
- I want to have perfect skin for the camera (both coffee+weed dries out the skin and weed causes me to make poor food choices)
- I no longer want to delude myself into thinking that I have brilliant ideas when I’m high and forget all of them when I’m sober
- I want to be able to remember all of my experiences
- I want to experience a wider variety of emotions, even if they're not all positive
I keep a journal pretty consistently, and I’ve been journaling my recovery before I found this forum. Here it is…
Finally kicking the habit… for good.
I threw out the weed last night. It was getting pretty out of hand. When I wasn’t smoking, I’d be thinking about it all day until I actually smoked. After I smoked, I would get a case of munchies that wasn’t satiated until I’d consumed some candy, chocolate, or some other unhealthy junk. I started smoking again regularly a few weeks ago, I think, after a few weeks' hiatus and it’s almost as if the addiction gets worse after you’ve quit and go back. I sacrificed my gym time so I could smoke. I wanted the rentz (parents) to get out of the house so I could smoke. I would even hide it from lil sis (my smoking buddy) sometimes! My weight ballooned up past 144 and my lightest was 128. Although I’ve dropped back to 139 last time I checked, I gotta get serious about cutting this shit out of my life for good.
The primary reason is that it fucks with my head and state of mind - I can’t do anything productive. Second, is munchies - I need to maintain a fit body. Third, it affects my singing voice, which absolutely cannot happen. Fourth, I can’t stop thinking about it when I’m tryna do other shit throughout the day!
I’m cutting coffee at the same time so I don’t suffer from insomnia and because it’s just bad for my overall health. I also have been trying to stop because it affects my singing voice as well.
My life after weed.
It’s been only a few days since I quit smoking for good and it’s changed my life drastically. I’ve dropped over 8 pounds within the past several days, most of which was water weight, I’m sure, but the fact that I gained that much weight from munchies is pretty astonishing. I’ve been working out twice a day for the past two days and even though it was hard, my motivation is steadily growing stronger.
As promised, I’ve been reading Tynan’s book and I’m half-way through my second read. One of my favorite quotes that he borrows, “What gets measured gets managed.” Now that I’m logging everything and building better habits, I can already see progress. The problem is actually doing everything on the list everyday. It’s been hard for sure, but I just need to go for it as soon as I wake up. I’ve been noticing how much time I waste just sitting or standing around. My daily priorities should be to finish my list.
I’ve noticed how much brain fog I have today. I couldn’t remember certain things and right now, even though my brain isn’t hazy, it feels dull and it’s hard to focus. I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot better than if I were high or green hazed, but I think my brain is tired from so much exercise and lack of coffee. I just had some leftover green tea, which helped me wake up.
I ate dinner way too late - a bit after six, telling myself that I’ll just sleep a bit later. BAD BAD BAD. I need to have a fixed sleep time - 9:30 so that I can wake up and be refreshed for a new day. I also need to fit in my second work out at 4 at the latest so I can eat my post-workout meal before 5:30. A new habit I need to work on and prioritize is to stop eating before 5:30 everyday. I’ve been prioritizing my two workout sessions lately; if I don’t do anything else, I need to get my workouts done. My reasons:
* I need to get out of the house
* I need to get fuckin FIT. FUCKIN HOT. TONED. SMOKIN SEXY.
* I need to break up my workout so I can go hard-core; cardio+strength
* I need to see people, even if I don’t talk to them
* I need motivation from what I listen to at the gym and on the way
* The adrenaline and endorphins help me physically+mentally
* The training is relatable to everything else in life
* Motivates me to eat better+healthier
I didn’t journal for Day 3, but here are my experiences:
The first two days, I worked out twice a day - cardio+strength training but yesterday, I only did weights without doing cardio. I made the mistake of napping for about 3 hours after eating a lot of noodles and cake. The immense glucose spike caused a major migraine afterwards. Trying to fall asleep was the absolute worst and I regretted that long nap SO much. I tossed and turned for 2 hours, recalling not-so-pleasant memories of people and past experiences that I hadn’t thought about for years. After accepting the fact that I wasn’t going to fall asleep, I searched online for “how long does it take to withdraw from weed” and found this forum. (I also searched the same thing for coffee and found that, interestingly enough, many of the symptoms overlap.) After feeling some solace in the fact that I’m not alone, I fell asleep around 2 am. (I usually sleep before 10 pm.) I woke up at 10:30 am today even though I usually wake up around 6 am.
Every time I tried to quit before this, I suffered from insomnia, but not this badly (probably also because I caved into smoking almost every time). This time, I also had bad cases of temperature fluctuation; if I got too warm under my blanket, I’d kick part of it off just to find myself feeling chilly (and it’s not the normal kind of chilly; it’s a weird sensation of chill). I know it’s not a placebo effect because I was ignorant of this symptom previous to reading the forum. I also felt a deep tingling sensation all over, like I had to move around to relieve my body of it. I’ve been having a combination of constipation and diarrhea. I haven’t had that much of a loss of appetite and when I feel like shit, I feel better after I eat something healthy (especially if I felt nauseous). I drink a lot of warm water and have replaced my coffee with good quality green tea. I experienced the worst bout of irritability yesterday morning and almost snapped at my sister, but thankfully, I kept it under control (with extreme difficulty), because I knew it was just part of withdrawing. I’m ever so glad I did because I would have felt so guilty if I had done that to my best friend.
Today (Day 4), I’m feeling more clear minded; no longer having a strange feeling of being spaced out and I can concentrate better. I felt really groggy and slightly nauseous when I woke up, but after having a sweet potato smoothie (with nuts and soy milk- it tastes really good!) and several cups of green tea, I feel infinitely better. I haven’t worked out just yet, but I feel better than I ever have - especially from the knowledge that I’m succeeding on this new journey.
Whew, that’s all for now. Thanks so much for reading and I’ll update when I see changes! But before I go, some tips:
- make a list of your reasons for quitting and read it EVERYDAY even when you don’t feel the need to
- EXERCISE: break a sweat as often as possible
- MEDITATE: withdrawing is a mental fight even if the effects are physical. Get into the right state of mind. If you get cravings or feel yourself caving, tell that devil to fuck off! Tell yourself, that is not your true self, but your addiction teasing you to be a worse version of yourself.
- Don’t nap! EVER. Try your hardest to push through and sleep earlier. If you have to nap, set a timer for 15 minutes and try to fit it in as early in the day as possible.
- Drink a TON of water and/or other fluids
- Read books/forums that put you in the right state of mind, whether it be to quit or to motivate you in your area of achievements
- Eat healthy foods; abstain from sugar, fat (which stores THC), and white carbs
- Listen to soothing and happy music
- Stay as busy as possible with productive activities. Don’t stay home if you feel like smoking.
- Forgive yourself and realize that this is an ongoing process. Move on immediately if you slip.
- Don’t rely on will-power alone. Dr. McGonigal in “Willpower Instinct” says that those who think they have willpower are the ones who are most likely to slip up.
- Keep a journal and/or post on this forum
- Read this forum (only posts that are about recovery+withdrawal)
Love to all of you and God bless. Keep up the good fight.
Kicking the habit for good. - Part 1