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    So anxious already did 1mg Xanax and 2 bars Lexomil.
    I'm scared of me, my thoughts. I am scared I will fall fast into depression. I'm scared I will suddenly get fat.
    Not sure how I will cope with anything or find pleasure in anything without coke.
    Trying to think of the positives like giving nose a break and getting some sleep.
    Normally right now I would be redosing and start a binge.

    About Author

    Rainflake
    Quite messed up. Body and mind. Not sure if this one can even be saved. But lets try.

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  1. Rainflake
    @Hopeless78 I go to state funded therapy but its available once a month only.
    My family did not react well to the relapse I have previously done and I can't let them know about this one.
    Thank you so much for your support, even reading your journal made me reflect about not giving up and to try again x
  2. Hopeless78
    @Rainflake I wish I had some advice for you, but I am feeling so, so shitty and depressed myself this week - the only thing I would suggest would be counselling and/or some support; it's so hard doing this as it is, but doing it by yourself is next to impossible. So sorry to hear you are suffering so much, just know you are not alone, I am struggling with the reality of being off opiates, but I know it won't last forever. I'm here anytime you need to talk.

    xo