Living that old life again untill monday - Part 1

By Sashel600 · Dec 5, 2014 · ·
  1. I have been on mmt for a few months now and a few weeks ago relapsed onto heroin. I started to use large amounts ( im a smoker ) on top everyday so obviously my methadone daily dose is insufficient to hold me properly from the hell of withdrawel i have spoken with my drug worker and she has said that i cant up my script untill monday so iv had to buy a few grams of heroin to last me so i dont have to go through withdrawal. But im back in that hell of lying and cheating my loved ones . Im back smoking heroin in public toilets teriified of being caught and found out that im a junkie. And i can never enjoy a high from heroin once you become addicted because for me im always worrying about when its going to wear off even when iv just used. Thankfully i think i do have enough h to take me to monday . I guess im just looking for abit of reasurance now im on here with you guys and to here abit of your own experiences with the hell that is opiate addiction . God bless everyone have a safe weekend .

Comments

  1. siouxzee369
    hello mate, I haven't been using this forum long but the support I have received has been amazing, which is why I thought I'd say Hi and let you know that I've used heroin everyday for about 20 years and a lot of that was on top of my methadone script. You never get the same feeling from the gear if you are on meths, you have to either do loads or take some benzos before you get to the stage where you start dropping your foil and enjoying the buzz, but you cant really do that in a public toilet without drawing attention to yourself!!!
    I have hid my addiction from my family all these years and I sure as hell aint gonna tell them now. I know how shitty it feels to lie to everyone and how hard it is to keep up the pretence of acting normal when you look and feel like death warmed up.
    I have just quit my heroin habit with the help or rather pressure from the new drugs service in my area and a massive jump in my methadone from 40 to 100 mgs per day. Not in one step of course, they upped me 10 mgs a week until I felt comfortable enough to go through a day without using heroin as well.
    I've just had a major disaster with my first test results, which my other half and me can only put down to passive smoking. Have a look at my thread if you like, would be good to hear from you and you will be able to see all the ups and downs I've been through these last 6 weeks.
    Be lucky, Sue
  2. BlondieUK
    I totally empathise with you, rarely do I get to truly enjoy a high from any IV drugs since my veins are almost entirely collapsed, the only ones I haven't touched are in my neck and along my massive murderection (okay maybe a couple of times but that's all..) also about the paranoia, I occasionally have to use public restrooms and every little sound you make feels like you've stuck a sign on the door saying "Junkie Here!" and every voice you hear seems to be talking about you.

    I was once in a public toilet at a train station and I must have been in the stall for an hour or so, I heard the voices as usual but had trained myself to pay no attention to the paranoia because, honestly, how many times were there actually people outside your front door whispering about suprise buttsecks?

    Well, turns out you're not paranoid if they really are out to get you. Turns out they'd called the police as one got into the cubicle next to mine and popped his head over the top, there's me, covered in blood and displaying some pretty severe signs of amphetamine psychosis. "You've got five seconds before I kick that door in".. Shit. Now if I didn't make the shot I'd lose it completely, it's akin to extreme sexual frustration, it's not the high you're looking for at that point it's just finally finishing the bloody job.|

    "FIVE"

    Fuck fuck fuck, stabby stabby stab

    "FOUR"

    *Offers a silent prayer to Keith Richards begging for help*

    "THREE"

    Okay, take a deep breath, don't rush it and you might just make it.

    "TWO"

    OHMYFUCKINGGODIDIDIT!!!!

    "ONE"

    *opens door* - ":D!"

    After a brief but extremely passionate dressing down for being "bloody disgusting" I was left with a verbal warning as having needles which you can get from any pharmacy is not a crime and being covered in blood, although being filthy (and maybe a little scary) to see, is not currently against the law either.

    He said the only reason I wasn't arrested was because he couldn't actually find any drugs, well of course he couldn't, they were stashed safely in my veins :D

    Anyway, I fucking hate it now, the frustration and the stress are for the most part waaaay too much for what I really get out of it, so I'm going to make one last ditch effort to stop after today because my body literally cannot take any more of this shit.

    As a tip, you might want to consider putting your brown into a roll-up and smoking it like that, it's not so efficient but it's highly unlikely you'd be caught, holla!
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