It's been a shit week....
When I first got off the meth recently that first week or so, every night I felt troubled by a gut feeling that I was close to my last chances and it helped drive me on.
I've not had any more since I fucked up last weekend but this whole week I’ve just felt so horrible.
A lot of the time I seem to feel empty and lost optimism. It feels like how a comedown used to when I only used occasionally. Only it's a whole lot worse and lasting a whole lot longer... Plus today and Wednesday in particular, I've felt really drained and lethargic. Not much energy.
I had my first ever panic attack ton Tuesday too. I had a frightening experience alone with my nanna with the dementia and I found myself outside the front of our house, keeled over and hyperventilating with a neighbour trying to help calm me down. It was unnerving and a real stab in the guts.
And I'm just starting to understand now why that gut feeling was so strong... .
But I've done enough beating myself around now, it's time to stop self-demoralizing, grow up again, move forward and become a little more wiser.
So that's a little something I'm gonna work towards over the coming weeks and keep my main goal as staying off meth.
Here's one half of the meaning behind my DF name. I always seem to play it when I’m feeling down. And it always seems to help.
Not much else for now so I guess it's goodnight DF fam.