Long Week

By angelraysmehigher · Mar 8, 2019 · ·
  1. It's been a shit week....

    When I first got off the meth recently that first week or so, every night I felt troubled by a gut feeling that I was close to my last chances and it helped drive me on.

    I've not had any more since I fucked up last weekend but this whole week I’ve just felt so horrible.

    A lot of the time I seem to feel empty and lost optimism. It feels like how a comedown used to when I only used occasionally. Only it's a whole lot worse and lasting a whole lot longer... Plus today and Wednesday in particular, I've felt really drained and lethargic. Not much energy.

    I had my first ever panic attack ton Tuesday too. I had a frightening experience alone with my nanna with the dementia and I found myself outside the front of our house, keeled over and hyperventilating with a neighbour trying to help calm me down. It was unnerving and a real stab in the guts.
    And I'm just starting to understand now why that gut feeling was so strong... .

    But I've done enough beating myself around now, it's time to stop self-demoralizing, grow up again, move forward and become a little more wiser.

    So that's a little something I'm gonna work towards over the coming weeks and keep my main goal as staying off meth.

    Here's one half of the meaning behind my DF name. I always seem to play it when I’m feeling down. And it always seems to help.

    Not much else for now so I guess it's goodnight DF fam.

    About Author

    Just a 25 yr old meth user trying to beat my addiction and repair the broken pieces that have become my life.
    My 5 years of mostly rec. use turned addiction when I began using daily from the start of 2018.
    I started this journal to express my unspoken thoughts, emotions, conflict and turmoil from my addiction and toxic relationship with meth. I hope one day it ends with a golden finish.
    Elliza likes this.


  1. PastorFuzz
    Howzitgoin, lil friend!
    Wow, panic attack. I guess you most definitely did have shitty week! I'd been missin you and was gonna DM you today. The main most important thing is you're health and wellbeing. I'm just glad you're safe and sound. Many hugs to you!

    The 2nd thing that comes to mind is my relief to know that you ain't been hittin it steady. I was concerned about it, lil friend. I care about you. I believe everybody, the whole damn tribe, cares about you. I'm very proud of you for staying clean. You're a warrior. You have my respect as well as my friendship

    Finally, cuz I'm late for work, I'm sorry you've been goin thru such demoralizin times. I don't really know wassup with panic attacks but it could indicate one of several underlying problems. Hopefully, it was just a one time aberration. It happens. I think it could be a sign that you ain't receivin enough xs and os. I can help with that xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo Better?

    I gotta run. As always, many hugs to you!
      angelraysmehigher, jazzyj9 and Smeg like this.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!