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  1. Hi, my situation is slightly different to most on this site. Ive spent a short bit of time reading through the battles that people are facing and i'm inspired the way people are able to bounce off one and another for support and advice.
    My addiction is to the women that I love dearly, unfortunately she is fighting a battle with herion.
    The way I feel is that i'm also part of this struggle and i'm hoping to get some advice and support here on how to deal with it.
    I am very proud of how far she has come from being a daily user to a low dosage every other day patient of a MMT program. With the occasional slip, i Have to be brutally honest that I get really upset, but having said that, I still support and push her to get back up and continue.
    Unfortunately my work entails a lot of travel and time away from home. I think this critical to our success and intend making adjustments to be home more.

    Many thanks.

Comments

  1. phil9262
    Welcome @Rain without water! I can't imagine what your going through because I have always been on the other side.

    I have had many people in my life that cared so much and I hurt them very badly, but at the same time they hurt me as well. My wife, like yourself unconditionally loves me and I guess you can say is somewhat codependent. She would enable me by knowing that no matter how bad it got, I knew she wouldn't leave. That can be very dangerous and harmful for user in active addiction. I was able to change when the people who I cared for, I guess you could say "hardened up". I had to get to the point where I realized that no one is going to put up with my shit anymore.

    Again, this is only from an addicts point of view. I suggest to check out the threads here: https://drugs-forum.com/forums/family-friends.440/
    As well as continue to journal. Any help I can give I will be happy to be of service!
    1. Rain without water
      Many thanks, i'll check out the link.
      I know its going to be an emotional roll coaster, I will just keep looking ahead and pushing.
  2. Missingyouforever
    Hi, Just wanted to say your doing great supporting your wife/girlfriend!
    Somedays can be very hard supporting the ones we love through addictions and especially recovery!
    Sorry I haven't added much, but just wanted to say I'm sure it doesn't go unnoticed.
    It's so very hard to keep our emotions in check. I reckon this is a great place to get them out there!
    1. Rain without water
      Thank you for your time and thoughts. I do think this is a great platform to let emotions be heard and kept in line. Sometimes it's difficult to discuss this face to face and an outside point of view helps loads
  3. aemetha
    Hi @Rain without water , you're doing a very good thing for your partner. The hardest things for many addicts are confidence and having a support network. By being non-judgemental and building her confidence you're doing more than you can know to help. I understand that it's upsetting when an addict slips, but try if you can to reframe it in such a way as you're upset for her rather than at her. One brings you closer together, the other pushes you apart.

    @phil9262 's comments about enabling are very apt, it's a danger you have to be aware of. Develop a good understanding of what enabling is though, because people get confused about it often. Enabling is facilitating a persons drug use. Giving a person free rent could be enabling if it gives them disposable income to spend on drugs - it's the same thing as giving them drugs in that situation essentially. Giving a person clean needles to inject drugs they already have, while emphasising you're doing it to keep them alive, not because you're okay with them injecting - that isn't enabling, that is harm reduction.

    I think perhaps I read your partners journal here? She strikes me as someone particularly committed to both you and getting clean. She might slip from time to time, but as long as she doesn't slip in her intention to get clean she will succeed. Keep reminding her of that.

    Welcome to drugs-forum.
    1. View previous replies...
    2. Rain without water
      What's really eats me up are the lies and deceit that follow, I'm fully aware when something has happened and find it hard to get the blunt truth from her and think I will be in a better place to channel my feelings in a more positive way when this eventually happens.
    3. Rain without water
      I understand fully what she is going through and support her recovery to worlds end.
      As for enabling, I give her every tool necessary to help this process, but having said that, I do have a very inquisitive nature as to what, where and how. Which sometimes leads to arguments of micro management taking place. I cannot and will not take control of her finances, but have insisted on some proof of spending.
    4. Rain without water
      The great thing about sharing this here is that my partner will read this and hopefully embrace an outside point of view. And yes, you have read her journal here. She is very committed to ending this and she does care heaps for me.

      We have tried speaking with councillors at the treatment centre, but felt the support lacked hope.
  4. aemetha
    You will reach that point of trust you're hoping for as long as you continue supporting. It's important to understand how pervasive the stigma against drug use is in our society. It is so deeply ingrained that using drugs is some kind of failure of character that the instinct to lie is automatic. The more she learns that admitting when she stumbles will be met with support and not judgement by you, the less frequently she will lie. Drugs don't make people lie, people do - not you personally obviously, but it's hard to break the habit once it has formed.
    1. Rain without water
      Point taken, I'll focus my intentions to achieve this. Thanks.
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