King Lope, MAN I cried when I read your post. Thanks so much for being so honest. I truly relate to you and I am crying every day. And I also feel peace sometimes joy afterwards. I will write more later as I have to help my Dad do some work. I really appreciate you taking time to visit my journal on this nightmare. Sometimes I don't know how I am going to make it! I am going to take your advice and try to make myself do a schedule each day. Sometimes I just want to get out and be with people. Sometimes I want to hide in my bed. Thanks again - Ive read a lot of your posts and really can relate and rooting for you as well to be happy and healthy.