Day 25- 3 in the a.m. and 2 in the pm ---5 loperamide 2mg pills.
A pretty good day. No withdrawals except for anxiety and stomach rumbling.
I don't know why but I still feel bloated in my stomach. Cant wait to sweat this sh&^ out.
JDog - Kitts - Thank you guys so much for the encouragement. I too feel this place is a godsend
and has saved my life! You are awesome! I love you!!!
I don't know what it's about, you know, getting out of myself. In AA they say that self-centeredness is at the root of my troubles. All forms of it. Self-pity, self-seeking, self-absorbed.
Twists of character that could have stemmed from environment and genetics. A lot of us seem to have pain in our pasts, but it's hard to say whether it's a cause or effect. Probably some of both.
In other words, we are soul-sick. I have a disease of the spirit and soul. And they recommend taking actions that go against my nature of isolation and social anxiety and self-centeredness. Like sharing honestly. From the gut. Talking about what really hurts, or angers me. Or fear and resentment.
So I get to go out and be with people who are doing the same thing. We share honestly and there is wonderful laughter. and I talk about what is really on my mind. I know they GET IT. It's just too awesome for words.
So yeah, meetings help. The relationships I have with these people help. I am also finding that spirituality is helping. Though not religious particularly I do have my beliefs. I also respect that others have theirs. I don't try to force mine down their throats. So that belief helps. I'm still seeking anyways.
And just getting out of myself. When you feel sick like I do sometimes, it's DIFFICULT. But when I do it -it changes everything. There's magic in thinking of others. Doing for others. As long as I've taken care of myself first. That is most important.
And being good to myself. Loving myself. Something I've neglected.
And Love you guys!!!! GBread