Loperamide addiction withdrawal journey need support - Part 35

By gbread · Apr 17, 2015 · ·
  1. Day 25- 3 in the a.m. and 2 in the pm ---5 loperamide 2mg pills.

    A pretty good day. No withdrawals except for anxiety and stomach rumbling.
    I don't know why but I still feel bloated in my stomach. Cant wait to sweat this sh&^ out.

    JDog - Kitts - Thank you guys so much for the encouragement. I too feel this place is a godsend
    and has saved my life! You are awesome! I love you!!!

    I don't know what it's about, you know, getting out of myself. In AA they say that self-centeredness is at the root of my troubles. All forms of it. Self-pity, self-seeking, self-absorbed.

    Twists of character that could have stemmed from environment and genetics. A lot of us seem to have pain in our pasts, but it's hard to say whether it's a cause or effect. Probably some of both.

    In other words, we are soul-sick. I have a disease of the spirit and soul. And they recommend taking actions that go against my nature of isolation and social anxiety and self-centeredness. Like sharing honestly. From the gut. Talking about what really hurts, or angers me. Or fear and resentment.

    So I get to go out and be with people who are doing the same thing. We share honestly and there is wonderful laughter. and I talk about what is really on my mind. I know they GET IT. It's just too awesome for words.

    So yeah, meetings help. The relationships I have with these people help. I am also finding that spirituality is helping. Though not religious particularly I do have my beliefs. I also respect that others have theirs. I don't try to force mine down their throats. So that belief helps. I'm still seeking anyways.

    And just getting out of myself. When you feel sick like I do sometimes, it's DIFFICULT. But when I do it -it changes everything. There's magic in thinking of others. Doing for others. As long as I've taken care of myself first. That is most important.

    And being good to myself. Loving myself. Something I've neglected.

    And Love you guys!!!! GBread

Comments

  1. joelseph9
    Awesome your experiencing the Benefits of AA. I just started going back again after being stuck on booze,benzo's and dope. I landed on Lope in the end but I feel its the lesser evil although the withdrawals may not be. I can feel much more on Lope than I ever did on Suboxone or other opiates.

    In the past I was big into AA. Got a sponsor and he took me through the Big Book and Steps. I made amends. Got my license back after 5 years and bought a car. Life was pretty damn good but I got sucked back into addiction by using Phenibut which was sold at the gym I was going to. Fucking sneaky disease this is where something sold at a gym brought me back into addiction.
  2. Jungledog
    We all need to find the underlying cause of our addiction. Not sure though that all addicts are self-centered. I think many addicts are unable to love themselves. I know I tend to support everyone else and care for patients, students, friends, family and I care for myself last or not at all. I need to become more self centered!! Lol

    You are doing very well. You are able to verbalize your underlying hurt and the why of your use. That is the path to healing.
  3. joelseph9
    There is not always an underlying cause of our addiction. In the beginning it may start as experimentation then one realizes they like the effect produced so they try to repeat that effect. Some addicts already have different brains where the effect produced is greater than a non addict.

    I think about 99% of addicts and alchololics have anxiety and may try to treat it themselves. Who doesn't have anxiety though. I just don't think there always has to be a cause though like a broken home or an illness or something. I think it can start off innocently and through some sort of mental defect it progresses into a mental illness.

    I grew up in a good home. My parents did drink on weekends but my drinking started more as experimentation and I loved the way it made me feel so I kept doing it. I was always a weekend user. When I started using opiates I learned I actually had more control over them and could buy a certain amount and not buy anymore when I ran out. So I quit drinking and switched to using opiates once every couple of weeks. Some people are able to do this the rest of their life. For me it just progressed into full on addiction. Why can't I control it like I used to is beyond me. Its really still a mystery why people turn into addicts and alcholics. Some of them were social drinkers and somehow crossed a line and can't go back.
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