Day 27- 2 in the a.m. and 2 in the pm ---4 loperamide 2mg pills.
Good day so far. Little sweats. No anxiety YET, slept 8 hours last night thank GOD.
The nurse scolded me for not sticking to my taper! Yeah! I felt like a naughty child or something creepy. I'M the one asking for help here. Anyways, instead of giving me anything else for anxiety she suggested I tough it out. ugh.
Went out to a dinner at a friend's house. about 20 people. It was nice and we did a 20 minute meditation before it started. I have never meditated like that. I always read something spiritual in the morning and then meditate on what Ive read so this was foreign to me. Someone to lead a guided meditation with relaxation. I must admit that it calmed my nerves and made me feel peaceful. Still, it can weird me out.
Anyways, it was a good night. Once again I went against my fears and preconceptions of what it would be like and tried something different. Like, 'they wont like me' or 'i'm different' and 'I don't belong' and all the crap my disease will tell me. It's all CRAP! They do like me.
They love me and want the best for me. Because they are me. And I do fit in. I'm no more or less of a person than they because we're all just people. We're all God's kids trying to make our way in this world. We all want the same things ultimately. To Love, to be loved. A part of, included. Purpose and meaning. And so I went against my ego telling me it wasn't going to be good. It was good! And it was BETTER than what I was doing, sitting here in my room wailing on about myself, feel self-pity, wondering why I'm so lonely! haha!
I don't know about causes of addiction and alcoholism. I think it is a combination of genetics and experience probably. I suspect it also has to do with our perception. Our perception of life, our past and present. Who knows. More that it matters I focus on the solution.
For me, the solution now is a lot of things. It is honesty first and foremost -honest with myself. Admit there is a problem. Changing everything. Taking suggestions. I guess one could write a book on it so I'll spare you - haha! Well there are a few books on it already- about learning how to live life. It is for me anyways. --to trust God and clean house and help others.
Much love, GBread
gbread added 350 Minutes and 17 Seconds later...
I wanted to add something that helped today. I mentioned a lot about stomach gurgling and growling and gassy, tight feeling sometimes. I drank a full tall glass of water this morning. Probably 24 oz. Not only did all that noise disappear, but most all other symptoms.
Important theory that because loperamide acts by drying out the stomach and intestines, to prevent diarrhea, (along with quieting opiod receptors throughout the body as well) it must stand that water is a major part of the healing and cure.
Dehydration. Someone here mentioned it. I know it sounds obvious, but I really think we have to have much more water each day to counteract and heal the damage done by taking loperamide. AND all the sweating that goes on in withdrawals. Smart to also add electrolytes (calclium, potassium, magnesium, sodium aka SALTS)
Anyways, just a few thoughts. Note to self: DRINK lots of WATER!!!
Much love, GB