Loperamide getting the better of me, need help and support. - Part 159

By Roaddoggy · Aug 14, 2014 · ·
  1. DAY 90, 3monthes clean and tiny, tiny bit of kicking. I still feel slight PAWS of the loperamide, but not too bad. Had a OK nights sleep. felling Ok so far today. So I guess for today, I feel OK. Not great, but not in pain either, at least so far.


    I would say I feel better today, than I have for 4 months. Now that's just from the hours of 8am to noon, so far. I guess things could turn worse for me, but I doubt it. I usually start feeling better from a bad day at around 3 or 4pm. I usually feel okish by 6. By 7pm I'm on kava time, so its all down hill from there.



    I'm actually thinking about taking off early, renting some movies, and have a nice almost normal evening. I mean theses withdrawals have had a pattern the whole time. Hard ass mornings, getting gradually better through out the evenings. When I first started Cold turkey, off loperamide even the evenings were hell on earth. But I am living proof, it gets better.



    I feel I did have some improvement at around day 65 or day 70. It seemed to get a little easer at that point. But there's a pretty big difference between today, and day 65. But I don't know if Ill still have bad days, or will I gradually just go up from here. I just don't know. I may get back on here tomorrow, and be back in pain again. As these waters are a bit uncharted.




    Now today is also day 11 for my valium cut. I feel It was a little rough too. I think I'm healing from my last cut, and will be ready to drop another 2.5mgs in about 4 more days. The Valium thing could take over a year. This is why I waited so long to start it. I didn't want to be detoxing from too many drugs at the same time.



    Although My Doctor, or rather NP. Gave me 2 weeks of comfort meds, that I stretched out for 2 months. She told me to go home, and stop the loperamide Cold turkey, and to cut my valium dose from 30 mgs, to 15mgs. Then continue taking 5 mgs off a week, until I was completely off. Making my Valium taper last a month. Wow she was slap ass crazy, for giving me that kind of advise. I do believe if I had followed her orders I would have had to relapse. To get out of the horrible Dark obese. I remember when she was saying to do so, in my mind I was saying, well that's not going to happen like that hell no. Ill taper after I get off the loperamide.



    It was funny, the NP, asked me why I was taking loperamide. She then proceeded to tell me to not believe everything I read online. Well I have read online, that cold turkey off Valium can kill you, and fast tapers, can hurt very bad, and cause brain damage. Also This NP thought that Loperamide withdrawals would only last 2 weeks. That NP would be very wrong. I could see the mistake on the loperamide, but she new better about the Valium, she had to know better.

    Any way thanks FenixDelta, for your words of encouragement. They come greatly appreciated.

    For those who want to know when you start to not just feel a little better, but when will you taste a slight bit of normal, That day for me was day 90.

    Thank you also RoseyRose, for your prayers, and thoughts, that I might taste a bit of normal. Well for as long, or as short as it lasts, it appears it has paid off, at least for right know today.

    Roaddoggy added 1403 Minutes and 53 Seconds later...

    Well




    Its day 91. Not doing too bad today, so far so good. Yesterday was pretty good. Although I only got 4 hours of sleep last night. But that's because we had a guest show up late, and stay the night. So we stayed up talking until 3 in the morning. But I guess I brung that on myself.


    Hope everyone is doing well Much love. Roaddoggy....

    Roaddoggy added 1387 Minutes and 8 Seconds later...

    Well



    Its day 92 and had a rough wake up, but feeling ok now. Went to see my councilor yesterday. It wasn't too bad. Had a nice visit with him. Then did some running around town with the wife, went out to eat. Its been over 4 months since I sat in a restraint and enjoyed a meal. It was as if I was coming out of a cocoon. I feel the loperamide grip on my fading away. I feel better more than I feel bad, know. But some times I still feel it. I must say it has a district withdrawal feeling. I believe it will soon simply be apart of my past.



    I have come to a place, where I must make a decision. Should I keep this thread up, and post my valium taper on here, or should I start a whole new thread? A new thread in the Valium Taper section? I make another valium cut tomorrow.I am leaning towards a new thread. If I do, I will still check this one, daily for replies. I will end my daily logs, because I believe we are reaching a place in my Loperamide recovery where I no longer have any new information to post.



    I have completed all my goals, for the most part with this thread. I have proven, that loperamide can be beat. I have not relapsed, I have tried to help others in my course of recovery. I have touched on the real life experience of getting off loperamide, and the underlying reason for my addiction. I also tried to show the everyday, every hour struggles of trying to withdrawal from loperamide. I only hope this thread, will remain helping folks.



    As I mentioned, I will still maintain this thread, for those who come, new to loperamide addiction, and for those dear friends I have made, over the last few months. My fellow loperamide addicts, who would often spill there life, at Roaddogs Loperamide lounge. For those who got me through all of this.



    As I said in the next few days I will be making this decision. I want all hat has posted on this thread to know, When I say much love, I really mean that shit. I do love all of you, and thank you for helping me regain my life back, although I'm not 100%, I'm getting closer everyday. I thank you all for that. Ill post again tomorrow. But Until then. Much love. Roaddog....

Comments

  1. FenixDelta753
    Good on ya RD! Glad to see your spirits lifting up after all of this. I know you're no where near complete but the light at the end of the tunnel is beginning to peek around the horizon.

    I agree with what you said about the valium taper. You can't just quit a benzo cold turkey like that in the same way you often can't just stop drinking heavily after being an alcoholic. You can have all sort of seizures and maybe even serotonin syndrome or something like that. I could be wrong with that one though.

    I had this reply typed up since yesterday and I forgot to post it! I do apologize.. I try to read this thread every day at least once. I feel like I know you pretty well. Its a shame we're all so far away. It would be awesome to go have a drink with everyone even if its just water!

    In the grand scheme of things, 90 days isn't all that long to be back to normal for the amount of pain that it will save you in the long run. Im not saying that what you are doing is easy because it takes a special person to do what you are doing while going through the stress of family situations. In comparison so say, heroin, where would you be physically and emotionally after 90 days clean?

    FenixDelta753 added 12 Minutes and 21 Seconds later...

    Also on your latest post, I think you should keep it all right here to ensure the people that have been watching your progression will still be able to keep checking in and not need to worry about a separate thread and posting on two instead of one. I dont think anyone would fault you for changing the subject to valium either because loperamide is still a factor. These are just my thoughts though. Id love to hear what everyone else thinks too.
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