Well today is day 55 off of loperamide. I lose track of the days because I don't like to think about it too much.
I feel SO much better these days, though I'm still on Kratom. I can feel the shift underneath, though. Kratom doesn't make me high at all, thankfully, but it definitely removed a lot of my withdrawal from loperamide. My energy was very low for a while there... lingering from the loperamide I think. About a week ago things turned around a bit more.
I started exercising last week, so I think this might be part of it.
Road - I definitely feel good knowing that I'm only taking a plant (one that has never killed anyone in thousands of years of use). I feel I'm really close to closing this chapter of my life for good.
I can't stress enough how SLOW and tired and dumb I felt on loperamide. It was as if I had barely enough energy to get from moment to moment (thus my quote below) and became really afraid of daily life. I was anti-social, anxious all the time, and lacked any self confidence. I think a big part of this was how much trouble I had speaking naturally and coming up with simple responses to things. My brain was working at 1/2 capacity, I think.
Since being off of loperamide, I am finally regaining all that I lost. I actually started as a mentor for the unemployment office, and have delivered two presentations in 2 weeks that I felt GREAT about. I feel like a different person... I have so much more personal strength and conviction. I feel confident in my interactions and want to be active in my community for the first time in so long!! It's been a long road, but MUCH more worth it than I could have imagined while on loperamide.
Another thing that has changed has been my sleepiness. I could barely make it through the day without a nap while on lope. I was on high doses of adderall to combat the fatigue, and still it wasn't working. I could take 20mg of legal amphetamines and fall asleep an hour later! Seriously! Without adderall I think I would have been much more worthless than I was.
I no longer have any desire to take a nap during the day. I fall asleep fine at night without diphenhydramine or melatonin or anything (I was taking clonidine for a while and don't need that anymore either). I haven't taken any adderall in weeks! I'm running at one speed through the day, and it's a NORMAL, HEALTHY one. Can't even begin to express how amazing it feels to be back to myself that I thought was lost forever. It was so depressing and defeating.
All I take now is Kratom and supplements (I've listed them in earlier posts, I think). I feel good.
Off to check the other threads!
The GI tract has definitely been a rough issue. I'm hoping this lightens up soon. TMI!
Just wanted to check in and keep a record of where I'm at.