Day 4 & Day 5
Nightmares again. Dreamt of unfulfilled sexual desires. And of having to go to college again because somehow I don't have a degree. None of the courses made any sense, but I seemed to be the only one who didn't get it. A bumch of other random nonsense, too. But I don't attribute these nightmares to my present state, as I have nearly always nightmares. Not these screaming, running types, but those full of frustration and work that's ultimately in vain.
Decided to repair my zippo lighter yesterday. That was a mistake. I associate it with smoking meth. Avoid those triggers, people! Seriously. I didn't smoke any meth, but it took a lot of willpower to put the pipe and lighter away. Thank the spirits I don't know other people who smoke! I have been feeling kind of lonely, doing it by myself everyday. But now I realize how hard it would be when friends were still hitting the pipe and I was the only one wanting to quit. That would not work at all.
Even though I'm still extremely tired most of the time, it feels as it's getting better slowly. I don't know, it wasn't as bad as I reckoned it would be until now. Is it because it's only been a few days? Will it still get harder? Or is meth withdrawal not that big of a deal...? Yeah, sure, I don't get anything done. And I'd really like to watch those shiny crystals melt and crystallize again. But it's not overpowering by any means.
I hope it stays that way. And I hope I can stay strong when things are expected of me again. It's one thing just fucking around at home, but another if duty calls and the tiredness still persist. I hope, when the time comes, I will be able to get stuff done without the N-methylated helping hand...