Everything is little bit better than on weed, even when I have downs. Even when I have low time, it’s sustainably better, because high on weed lasts for few minutes at best. The satisfaction of self-control and living aligned with values is fulfilling in the long term.
Yesterday I didn’t write report at time I wanted and then I didn’t get to it. But I was sober. It was easier day, what is interesting since it was Saturday. Weekends were my best excuse to buy weed. After first 3 weekends that happened, and especially one in my home-town, this time-related cravings ceased. I’m really internally happy and thankful that I can be solving problems that I'm solving right now. That I experience these "normal" sober problems. Not those insane addiction problems.
I was working with coach on my feeling of safety, through being more lovingly friendly to myself. We conducted that best way to cultivate that is actually in my meditations, where I'm often angry and frustrated with myself and my lack of focus. Now, instead of crucifying myself for loosing attention, I’m celebrating myself for bringing it back. Much better! As well, I started to reward myself with 20 minute nap after meditation. Sleep is very precious for me and I don’t have enough of it (especially after quitting coffee now too). It works, I will do some other adjustments, but in general, it works.
The only trouble is that I didn’t visit NA this week at all, and I’m not sure if I will make it on Tuesday next week. But I feel I should commit to Friday, if not Tuesday, no matter what. Dufflyn recommended me to get a sponsor there and exchange some numbers with some people and start working the steps. I will do it on the first next meeting I will get to.
Now, just to get there.