5 weeks and 3 days, still clean after the OD, though it feels like a never ending game of swinging moods at the moment, very manic depressive but plowing through. Anxiety is at an all time high though i finally feel like my daughters dad again, she laughs and smiles when she hears my voice and hugs me/cuddles me when i hold her. I can still see the hurt and pain in my wifes eyes, this will pass i hope.
I found 800mg of oxy/tramadol yesterday and simply flushed it without a second thought, though i am not sure if in my lower manic state i would have done anything other than take it all, but that is pure speculation and not a healthy thought pattern to go down.
I'll continue to fight the suicidal/self harm thoughts that are likely byproducts of the withdrawal and the shame/guilt driving me into manic depression again, the difference is i now know exactly what it is and can fight it much better than drowing it with drugs.
Unfortunately i need surgery on both my elbows, my shoulder and my T5-6/C6-7 spine and that is going to require some heavy opiates, i need to make sure i am 100% recovered and emotionally/mentally ready before i head down that path.
The ONLY reason i got through this and continue to get through this is the support of my family and friends, whilst in hospital i had a steady stream of friends, my wife brought my daughter along to see me every day and i was kept relatively busy but not stressed. I couldn't reccomend an in patient withdrawal program enough if you have insurance or can afford it.
Ifiwereabird, no troubles posting into my journal, actually inspired me to add to it. I think telling your fiancee is the first step, my wife knew of my addiction but did not intervene as she didn't know the severity of it. Unfortunately Meth has a serious stigma to it compared to prescription opiates, i wish you all the best.
lkt004 added 407 Minutes and 12 Seconds later...
Another day of manic mood swings and suicidal/self-harm thoughts/tendancies, not sure how much longer i can fight this off if it keeps up. I have a repeat script with about 6g of tramadol extended release per script that i kept, not sure why, i have no real want to go and fill it and get high, but to throw back a few grams and drift off into a never ending sleep would be nice right now. I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning wondering why the fuck i was thinking about this and then be back in the same headspace tomorrow night.