Well that was certainly a dark post, my apologies, shouldn't air that here.
Found out i'll be going in for 3 rounds of surgery, all very painful with long recoveries involving pain killers (not if i can help it to be honest), so trying to adjust my thinking to not using them recreationally but only enough to take the pain away.
For the first time in a long time i only have 1 GP, this was a major milestone for me, i had medical records sent to her from 17 different doctors offices/ER/psychiatric facilities. Handed over all my old scripts and will only be seeing this GP and my surgeon. Today marks 6 weeks since i tried to take my life with an overdose, 42 days, 42 days since i have taken drugs to avoid reality. My daugher and wife have kept me going, i am finding this part of my recovery the hardest, the physical withdrawals were easy, and done within a safe environment in a psychiatric facility.
Adjusting to life sober is taking it's toll mentally and emotionally, especially at work, i have gone back to a job that pays slightly less than before but far less stress, going from running at 150% on uppers and then downers at night it's a seriously boring adjustment.
Hopefully once i go back to school after dropping out of all bar 1 of my courses and hopefully get to see how i go at a normal pace.