44 days, 6 weeks ago i woke up locked in a psych ward with no idea of how i got there or who i was, this was part of the psychosis diagnosis, i woke up a different person.
I sent my wife and daughter interstate to spend some time with her sisters for a week, it's been an intense week of self reflection and i think i have finally come to being able to forgive myself for what i did. Not to excuse it or forget about it, but one of the hardest parts of this recovery has been dealing with emotions and feelings or self hatred and guilt about what i did.
I have found making some admissions to my family has been good, they had no idea the extent of my addiction issues and the fact it spanned 7 months. My mum commented today that i finally looked human again, and despite what i thought, people at work knew i was high but simply didn't care because i was still able to get through all of my work and more.
I have distinct memories of one day of doctor shopping, after my wife had left, she had the car (our other one had been written off), i was working in the city and made 4 appointments. I walked away with 150 diazepam, 80 codeine 30/500, 20 10mg/2.5mg targin, 5g of lyrica, 4g of tramadol ER and an unknown quantity of morphine. I walked in and got all of this from the one chemist, how can a chemist legally fill that much medication for 1 person, without raising a red flag?
My GP is horrified at how much i was able to get on a weekly basis without raising a red flag of any kind, perhaps because i stayed away from bulk bill doctors and PBS scripts, using only private doctors and scripts.
Today marked the day where i stop looking back, and start looking forward, my life is back on track, i applied to go back and finish my masters degree starting in July, this time at a sane pace.