Multiple drug addiction withdrawal journal - mostly opiates - Part 5

By lkt004 · Apr 27, 2015 · ·
  1. Woke up this morning with more pain that ever, need this surgeon to call me back, or i'll be up for some ultrasound guided injections which i really don't want, hopefully he calls soon or i'll call him tomorrow. I made an admission last night that i don't remember the first 6 weeks of my daughters life which gave me a huge kick up the bum to never do it again. Started a new job officially today, one with little stress, my brain is sill struggling to deal with high stress situations so it's perfect. Though split shifts and full time work isn't what i wanted, it's paying the bills and will allow me to spend every morning and my 2 full days off with my family so that's all that matters to me at the moment.

    The rampant suicidal and thoughts of self harm have dissapated thankfully, the crushing feelings of guilt and self hate, whilst still being prevelant are nowhere near the point they were at. Previously i dreamed of titles, flash houses, cars and everything i wanted in excess, today i woke up and hugged my wife and daughter, ate pancakes whilst i hugged my daughter and got to kiss my wife goodbye as i went to work. This is all that matters now, nothing else.

    The drugs are still at the forefront of my mind both consciously and subconsciously, i am trying to deal with this through reading about them and watching documentaries. The cravings to use have thankfully subsided, but i still need to remain vigilant in order to maintain current sobriety. 46 days.

Comments

  1. Once.up.on.a.time
    Hey how ya doing Hun?

    Your story is like me and my partner but his affair was without drugs. It's me that was the bad one. I never cheated with a person but isn't not really being present due to tablets a mental affair?

    His was with his wife ha ha. Now ex wife they were split up years before me but she only let him see his daughter if he had sex with her. So this being a learnt behaviour she expected it to carry on. Regardless. I think he stopped as she stopped his daughter seeing him. Then started again. I meanwhile got pregnant with our child. It was all too much for him and I found tablets and suicide notes.

    I never mentioned it about the notes but the slut sent naked pictures of herself to him. So I asked if he had something to tell me. Threw the pictures at him and left.

    She turned up a couple of nights later so I asked her in. And she said they had been sleeping together. So I said do you have something to tell me I don't know. Meanwhile my partner did not know what to do!!! So all the while she's screaming at him to choose between us. I said I've never stopped him seeing his child nor would I. She was being lovely to me. I know she was shocked to death when he chose me.

    I just said to my partner he owes her an explanation and that it's between them not me and went upstairs to do my hair.

    That was the hardest thing I've ever done. I left him to face his fears alone. She was the barrier between him and his daughter. She's sick in the head it took me having police checks and court everything you can imagine to get access.

    The point of this lovely story is he carried around so much guilt because of me, like you because of your wife. He can't now explain how he could do that. Can you?

    It changed him in to a better person.

    Let go of the self hate and the guilt. Make amends for what you have done by being a better person now.

    If u need to talk DM me anytime

    Hang in there I know about cravings and life is boring when your used to not being present for it. But when our brains work properly again we will be those people we look at and wonder how there so happy with life. I'm holding on to that happening ha ha

    Much love

    Fairy Princess xx
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