Sorry I havent updated in awhile...
I have been consistently going to the clinic to where I have a daily routine (that I actually quite enjoy, its nice to wake up and have a purpose again, much like I used to when I was working a normal job and had a normal life).. I get up around 5am, get to the clnic around 520 and by then the initial rush is gone and I get in and out in usually less than 5 minutes, tops.. usually more like 1-2 minutes.
I am now on 60mg, and plan on going to around 80-100mg before I stop. I have no withdrawals, and have not had any withdrawals since getting to 30-40mg... but still had some cravings and still have some cravings. Many people suggest that I gut it out and stay around 40-50mg since I am not having any withdrawal symptoms because in the long run they say it will be easier to come off of, and they may have a point but at this time in my life I am not concerned with worrying about coming off, hell I just started to get my life back together.
Thusfar I can honestly say this is the best decision I could have made for myself. I am so much happier now that I dont have to worry about the daily grind of finding opiates, worrying about withdrawal, the guilt associated with it, not having any money..not being able to focus on getting a new job...etc. This allows me to have a normal day and not think about opiates, and gives me the structure I crave because it is similar to life before opiates where I would wake up every day at a certain time, go through the motions, etc.
The reason I want to bump to 80-100mg is to ensure I have enough methadone in my system to block any possible high I could get should I succumb to my cravings, which I have a few times since starting treatment. They werent large, but still I cheated myself.. although the high was greatly diminished, it wasnt diminished enough to stop me from craving another... I will worry about coming off methadone when I get my life together, and that is awhile away.. 6 months MINIMUM.. more than likely at least a year. Since I have complete control of when I come off and how fast or slow I want it, I figure when I do decide to come off, 1mg per week should be fairly painless, and when I get to lower amounts and it gets more painful, I can go to 1mg every two weeks, or whatever works.. there is NO rush... this is all about my recovery... whether it takes one year or 5 years doesnt matter to me... the ends justify the means in this case because I am doing everything legally and ethically.
So I am feeling great, my life is slowly starting to come together and I could not be more pleased with my decision. I feel it is a shame methadone gets such a bad rap... granted if you had to detox from it quickly I can understand the pain it can cause... but if you control how fast or slow you come off of it and only come off when YOU are ready... then I feel it can be done with minimal pain and the benefits far out weigh the risks.
BTW.. .I have tried suboxone/subutex... it worked well the first time, but ever since then I was miserable on it... induction was always especially hard... I felt like crap for days even when I waited the appropriate amount of time to get on it... I didnt have precipitated withdrawals, but I still felt like I had been hit by a car and had no energy or desire to do anything.
Methadone is definitely for me.