My battle with Oxy. - Part 14

By House32 · Sep 28, 2014 · ·
  1. Well tomorrow marks the 3 week mark (21 days)

    I have seen such a huge improvement overall, even that one slip didn't set me back at all!! My mind feels very clear. It's nice waking up in the morning without that groggy feeling. I am however getting bored at home. My work place won't let me go back till Oct 17th. That's just to ensure I have enough clean time under my belt till I go back.

    I started to see a psychologist, um mm. ..Yea, not sure if that helped. If anything it made me feel more depressed. Bringing up some old battle scars was tough. If anything, it made me realize just how messed up I really am.

    As far as depression goes, I'm having ups and downs. I've tried to keep as busy as possible. Running has helped, and energy drinks. But at times I do feel lost. I'm not the same person I once was. I realize I have a hard time feeling emotion. That could be from my up brining? But I should feel a sense of happiness when my wife touches me (I feel nothing) I find myself faking a lot with many life situations. But deep down I feel nothing.

    My psychologist thinks I may have a chemical imbalance, mostly because I have used substances for so long, and without them I feel empty. But who really knows?!? I mean I have everything I could ever ask for, but why is it not enough? Why can't I be happy and content. But other times I can feel joy? It's messed, I'll leave it for the professionals to figure out! Haha.

    My neighbor and his wife invited me and my wife over for a fire and a few drinks. We are new in the area, and would love to meet people. However I have not done this before without being high as a kite!!! I'm gonna have a drink or two before I go over, but don't want to get wasted and them think I'm a drunk!! Lol...not that I would care, but I'm not very sociable sober. But they seam like nice people. But not the type of people that look like they really party. But I guess I don't either.

    So ya, things have been up and down. I am looking forward to getting a little buzz from alcohol. But not wasted. I'll update more tomorrow on how the drinks went. Haha watch them snorting lines while I'm there!! Hahaha. I could dream right?

Comments

  1. Cmenot
    My friend started taking an antidepressant (Pristiq) which really helped with the crying (sobbing non-stop really). I do believe it takes quite awhile for your brain to adjust to making its own chemicals rather than receiving them artificially from drugs. I think drinking is a bad idea for anyone in early recovery, it lowers inhibitions and makes you vulnerable.
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