My battle with Oxy. - Part 16

By House32 · Sep 30, 2014 · ·
  1. I wanted to take it for my migraine, but I also thought it would give me a buzz. I've been taking Advil and Tylenol all day with no relief. I did take 1 tramacet, but funny enough. After 22 days clean, no buzz?! But my headache has subsided :)

    I think I'm gonna toss them as well. I've had them since detoxing, so my will is strong. And I'm so proud of myself for not eating them all!!! But it's like my brain is always looking for something. It's weird, I mean I feel strong. As I said, my life is slowly coming back together. I'm going out and enjoying life (just got back from my daughter's dance class) I would of never of gone when I was using. But there's this feeling deep down that wants to always get high. I don't know if it will ever go away. (Going to mention it to my psychologist on Thursday)

    I was happy I was able to handle a few drinks okay, I was so worried I'd get addicted to that too!!! But me and hangovers don't go over so well. I'm just trying to find a happy medium I guess without drugs, but still indulge in other life pleasures. I just find it so funny that alcohol is socially acceptable. I mean people drink a glass of wine every night, people binge drink every weekend. And it's okay? Because that's what we have been told or taught. But if someone bust out a line at a party, it's not okay?

    I'm definitely not going to lapse, I have to much to lose. I'm gonna be a good boy from here on out ;) because that's what normal people do right? Lol. I'm suppose to return back to work October 17th, and I'm certain they are gonna ask me for a urine test. So ya, have to be good. I need my job.

    I wonder if it's possible to not have depression, but always urn for something more? I mean I don't feel depressed ATM. Just I feel like something is missing. But I've always felt like that. Even before opiates. It was always something. I've always had this need to get high. Is it possible to be born an Addict? My real father (don't know him) was a heroin addict. He left before I was born. I wonder if it's possible to pass addiction. My mom's side is full of alcoholics, gamblers and pot heads. Maybe it's in my genes? But for the time being, I'm happy where I am at. I've never felt so Sharp in my life. Like the fog has lifted.

Comments

  1. Kitts
    I'm glad your headache has gone, and that you reasoned the pill situation :) I don't think it's wrong either way, I sometimes take Codiene for migraine, but I think it's important that you know why you're doing what your doing, so you have the best chance of control, if you know what I mean.

    I wonder about addiction being passed through families, too. I have a lot of alcoholics in my family, on both sides. All high functioning and 'normal', but it's addiction - although as you say, it's much more socially acceptable. I do think there's a good chance you will come out of this period of yearning for something more. You're still in early days here. Hopefully when a few more days have passed you will feel differently.

    Keep going, you're doing great!
  2. Cmenot
    I think you need a new reward system. If you have been using drugs for a long time as a reward, your brain may tell you sobriety is punishment... Its a common cause of relapse... Drugs to celebrate, mourn, when you're mad, sad, glad or tired... That running is excellent... helps your brain make natural chemicals...
    I agree with Kitts.... examine your own reasoning... it seems you ARE thinking about things! Great job so far... keep it up!

    Cmenot added 3 Minutes and 11 Seconds later...

    Also, I think it has already been proven that there definitely IS a genetic factor! This does not mean that you are doomed to be an addict, just that you are more susceptible to it. PS: an alcohol hangover IS withdrawal. You've heard of "a hair of the dog that bit you" right?
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