You couldn't of said it better cmenot. While I was using I thought I was invincible. I thanked opiates for my triumphs and success at work (I thought I was confident) I even told myself for months I didn't have a problem, I quit before, I could do it again. Usage went up and up. Then the thought came I could never get clean, I would always tell myself tomorrow I'll stop, or something would come up, oh Monday I'll stop. It was a terrible cycle. These pills play with your mind so badly, they really control you.
I must say I truly enjoy being free. It's crazy to say because 3 months ago you couldn't pry me away from my pills. There are days I do miss getting high (like a mini vacation) but I know that mini vacation is to expensive for me, and will turn into a resident. Lol.
The only side effect that still lingers in this dam insomnia. It's absolutely terrible. I swear if I didn't take any sleeping aid, I could stay away for days. I hope this will eventually correct itself. I've always enjoyed sleeping, but now it seems impossible. I guess it's a small price to pay for a sober life. I really do appreciate your support, and everyone who reads this. I'm and example that you can take back your life.