Well I think I just experienced my first PAWS. While sitting in the room with my family, smiles on their faces. My daughter excited about the birthday party she went to. Everyone so content. And it happened, I broke down. I never cried this hard in my life. As much as I read and try and fill my soul with goodness, I feel nothing. When my daughter tells me about her day. I feel nothing, when my wife smiles as she walks in the door, I feel nothing. Like an empty shell waiting for something. Then I get angry at myself for doing this to me. And when my family tries to console me saying "we know what your going through" makes me mad (I know they mean well) but how could they ever understand what it feels like to feel hollow inside, not being able to smile (or faking one) will we ever feel pleasure again? I know it gets better. But the damage is done, our brain is now reprogrammed to accept large amount of Dopamine in order to feel happy or feel pleasure. Once repaired how can we ever feel happy with a normal dose of Dopamine*?