My battle with Oxy. - Part 5

By House32 · Sep 13, 2014 · ·
  1. Well I think I just experienced my first PAWS. While sitting in the room with my family, smiles on their faces. My daughter excited about the birthday party she went to. Everyone so content. And it happened, I broke down. I never cried this hard in my life. As much as I read and try and fill my soul with goodness, I feel nothing. When my daughter tells me about her day. I feel nothing, when my wife smiles as she walks in the door, I feel nothing. Like an empty shell waiting for something. Then I get angry at myself for doing this to me. And when my family tries to console me saying "we know what your going through" makes me mad (I know they mean well) but how could they ever understand what it feels like to feel hollow inside, not being able to smile (or faking one) will we ever feel pleasure again? I know it gets better. But the damage is done, our brain is now reprogrammed to accept large amount of Dopamine in order to feel happy or feel pleasure. Once repaired how can we ever feel happy with a normal dose of Dopamine*?

Comments

  1. goodgirlgoingbad
    Hey House. You have inspired me to stop my OXY habbit.. I have been teetering for a week now and after all day on this site, I think I am ready.. and church in the morning sounds like a goo start (I enjoy church & fellowship). God's strength is made perfect in our weakness as it is then that we fully surrender all to him.. But don't forget where your joy comes from and the precious gift of life that your family brings you every day. I am many hours from any family or true friends. I stood by my ex fiance during his heroin to methadone treatment only to be abandoned in the midst of my prescription oxy habit, which of course renders me to anything when I run out.. But I realized that I was depending on him for support and I need to depend on God, He is the only one who cares as I sit her all alone. taking faith out of the man and putting it where it belongs..the devil is a liar! Hopefully I can remind myself of that when my "bad angel" tries to come out to play. All advice and support is welcomed. I will try to get some kratom as I hear it works well for opiate WD's. Also, I have been reading up on the RDD out there under anesthesia.. anyone else heard of Rapid Drug Detox for opiates? Any and all advice/warnings/messages are strongly welcomed. Thanks in advance! I need all the support I can get.. and thank you all for posting, it has truly inspired me.
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