Day 8 update:
I normally try to do my update mid day, usually by then I have a clear head and don't feel so groggy. But today I wanted to capture some of my morning thoughts.
I wake up everyday hoping that I'd be cured, I dream of myself being happy. But when I arise, I am disappointed. I'm a 32 year old man who feels like I'm living in the body of a 60 year old. My body is stiff and tight, my bones throb off and on (Tylenol and Advil works sometimes)
I wake up feeling lost, not knowing my purpose anymore. When I was on oxy everything was simple. I'd wake feeling good, plan my day when I was off of work and away I go. But now everything seams so hard. I'm reading all the time, trying to understand what's happening to me. I understand and take in what I'm reading, but I can't execute. I know everyone says it gets easier, but I guess I'm inpatient (always have been) I guess you can say I feel lost right now, not knowing what to put into my life?
I've juggled with so many ideas, do I see a therapist, do I seek NA meetings, do I go away and find a spiritual retreat, do I spend my time in church? I know I need something, just don't know what that is yet....