A cupcake that I have has been struggling with opiate addiction for about 2 years now. It has tried multiple times to get off oxycodone without any success... It started about 2 years ago just using half of a 30 on the weekends... Then my cupcake came into a very large sum of money from a lawsuit settlement... This was the beginning of the worst 18 months of his life. His habit started to grow after a few weeks and he was using more days than he wasn't... Eventually it got up to about 5 30s a day for about 2-3 months... He realized that it was getting out of control and decided to quit cold turkey (having no insight on what withdrawal was or how it could be made more manageable). After about 6 days and he was feeling much better... He thought he was good to go and could go back to just using occasionally and in small doses... Oh what a wonderfully simple yet impossible notion.
So my cupcake fell back into his addiction and decided not to look back this time for quite a while... He ended up using about 7-8 30s a day for months... Occasionally he would try to get clean and would get his habit back down to just a few pills a day... But there was never any kind of abstinence or prolonged clean period until earlier this year... After spending thousands of dollars and I mean THOUSANDS of dollars on little blue pills to make him feel normal... My cupcake decided it really had to stop and he somewhat successfully convinced himself that using was not an option. However after a couple of days of nothing except following the Thomas recipe, he started to drink... He never really had a problem with drinking in the past and when he was using pills he almost never drank... The unbearable insomnia is ultimately what drove him to the alcohol... Shortly after he began drinking vodka every night starting at about 5-6 pm... The anxiety depression and overall weakness began to set in and made his cupcake life a living hell... He had never experienced anxiety before and he could only think to himself that if he suffered from this as a clinically diagnosed disorder, he would kill himself in a second...
So then came the benzos... Luckily this cupcake didn't get hooked on em, but he did start using them a couple times a week to try and help alleviate the anxiety that made him want to blow his fucking brains out. Anyways... 2-3 months pass and a job offer comes up (with a drug test of course) so the benzos were out. He was still drinking and drinking heavily... But he managed to pass the drug test and was hired to a very good job... He started making very good money and that's when things started to go downhill again... When his 4 year anniversary with him girlfriend came up in April, he decided to go get a pill to make the night better... He only used this one time for another 1-2 weeks when he decided to pick up again... He thought he had finally gotten things under control and things would be different... Fucking idiot.
He quickly fell right back into using everyday and even though he was making really good money... It wasn't even close to enough to support his habit... This is usually when people would turn to H... This cupcake never did... However... Sometimes he wished he would have as he was regularly snorting 90 bucks worth multiple times a day... He noticed that things were getting absolutely ridiculous and he started doing things he never thought he would do... He was manipulating everyone around him to get money and eventually resorted to stealing large amounts of money from his family... He knew that he was going to get caught eventually and that he was going to have to come clean to his parents and his girlfriend (she knew he used but had no idea how bad the habit had gotten). The fear and stress surrounding the thought of having to tell his parents made things even worse... For the last 2 weeks of his addiction... The cupcake was snorting up to 15-18 30s a day... He didn't even know how it was possible... It just happened and he didn't care about what he was doing to those that loved him... He wanted to die and would have preferred that over having to tell his family.
Eventually... The cupcake told his family that he had a very big and life-threatening problem... He told them he wanted help and wanted to go to detox but he was worried about losing his job... So we decided to have him go to detox on the Thursday before Labor Day and the plan was to be back at work on Tuesday... When he got to the detox and told the doctor about his plans and about his habit... The doctor told him he was fucking insane if he thought that was going to be possible... However... Sticking to the plan and initially completely against the idea of taking subs... The pain got so bad in detox that he accepted the bupe... He got to talk to the doc again the next day after having taken a total of 6 mgs of bupe the first day in 2 mg dosages... The doctor said that we would try a taper plan and see how it goes... So for that day he was given 4mg... On Saturday he was given 2 mg... Sunday ... 1 mg... Monday morning... 1 mg.... For the most part the time in detox was manageable but still quite uncomfortable... Especially seeing all the other patients on 8-16 mg doses doing completely fine... But he was still worried about how he was going to feel for the week ahead.
Tuesday morning he woke up sweaty and feeling like shit but not overly terrible... Part of the deal he made with his family to get clean was to go to meetings of aa or na even though he was almost positive that he would gain no help from these groups... On his way to work on Tuesday his emotions were all over the place and he didn't know what to do with himself... So he decided to go to an AA meeting... It was a terrible experience that made him feel even more hopeless... However in desperation... He decided to go to an na meeting later that day... My cupcake is an aetheist, not particularly spiritual, and overall hated the idea of forced upon ideologies, but the love he felt in the program was like nothing he had ever experienced before and he was able to let things go and really felt a lot better after the meeting... 1 week later still going to meetings for if nothing else to kill time, he got the vivitrol shot... It hurt like a mother fucker and he walked with a limp for a couple days... Today marks day 18 of complete abstinence and he feels amazing... It hasn't been all good obviously, but it has been much easier than it ever should have been for this cupcake.
Feeling grateful to be alive and hopefully a sign to others that it is possible and things can get better, this cupcake wanted to share his story and shed some light on how suboxone if used correctly and jumped from quickly can help like you would not believe... He has had almost no anxiety over the past 18 days... Almost no depression... No side effects from the vivitrol... And every day his underarm sweating is going down... Energy levels are good not great... Work sucks but it's work... He still goes to a meeting every day almost exclusively just to listen to people and connect with them... 12 steps or not... It is very therapeutic... Days have begun to blend together and before he knows it, he's home after work or a meeting ready to go to bed (which has been coming back nicely as well, 5-6 hours a night).
They say you have to hit rock bottom before you're willing to really get better... But it can be up to you what that rock bottom is... I know I will always be an addict and I will use every day... But what I use will determine how great or shitty my life will be... I used to use substances... Now I use music... Exercise meetings anything that makes me feel better... If I could do it... So can you if you want it enough!