My Norco Withdrawal and Addiction Story - Part 26

By sadbutglad · Dec 29, 2014 · ·
  1. Yesterday wasn't so bad. I woke up with bright eyes and took about 6 grams of kratom, did some laundry, and even cooked a big pot of gumbo for the fam. I felt euphoria for like 10-15 minutes and that was it. I have 6 .6 gram capsules left and will take them later on today. My mental is down in the dumps and I just want some pills. Last night I didn't sleep well and the scratchy throat is here...Apparently the opiates relaxed my coughing muscles so that I never coughed and now I always get that feeling in my throat that makes me want to cough.

    Mentally I am not with this clean and sober program. Not right now. @ Lostlygirl - I don't think I'm quite there either. I've had substance abuse issues before where I really wanted to get my shit together and I eventually did...Now with this particular addiction, I'm having a hard time really meaning what I say wen I say "I want to get better". Here's what I really think...OK Opiates are bad. However, they're only bad when you run out. Only then does your desperation for them show. Only then do you see just how physically dependent on them you really are. Deep down I know being addicted to anything is bad, but the pills make me happier. Until I get some help with the deep down underlying issues, these pills may be my go to. Again, let's see how I feel when I'm 2 weeks clean. As of right now, it sucks. It sucks to physically withdraw. It sucks to want them so badly and have people (people who also use by the way) look at you like you're a level beneath them because you ran out and now you're asking for help (to buy some off of them).

    I know I'm the problem. I know my mentality about these pills is a problem. I know.

Comments

  1. lostlygirl
    Yeah, I think I agree completely with your last post. You just have to really be sick of it and your not there yet. I am not quite there with the fentanyl either, but I am very quickly getting there.

    What do you think really keeps you stuck? What does the addiction do for you?

    Underneath it all three is a reason you are not happy without pills. Find out what that is and then change it. Hahah! Very much easily said than done, trust me...I know. Sometimes it can take years to sort through all this shit.

    The honesty of your post resonated with me. You have to know where you are honestly before you can work at getting yourself out. You are at an interesting place right now.

    The best place to start it's to get a little bit of self control over your use, if you can. Again, a lot easier said than done. Did you ever try waiting 10-15 minutes, or putting your dose off for a bit? If so, how did that go? I really think that would be a great place for you to start as I think the momentum would be great for you. At the very least you will not be running out so quickly. How nice would that be?

    The addiction cycle of running short is really hard on our bodies. At this point in your recovery it would be good to get to where you were not putting your body through that month after month.
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