My Norco Withdrawal and Addiction Story - Part 30

By sadbutglad · Jan 21, 2015 · ·
  1. Junglegog-I'm an addict and will always find a reason in my own mind to use. I'm aware of that. I need to control my usage. I don't have the luxury to go get the help we see on the TV show Intervention. I'm ashamed of this mess I'm in. I'm a mother of 3 who isn't coping properly. I'm using a substance because it's easier to use than do the work to get my shit together. I'm aware of all of my poop butt ass excuses to use.

    With that being said, I will continue to document my BS on this forum as everybody on here knows the drill. If I had a head cold I would use more. If I had a hemorrhoid I'd use more. That's the issue with drug addicts. We use when we're happy, we use when we're said, we use when it's raining and when the sun is out.

    I'm trying to go from 8 pills a day to 4 pills a day as prescribed until I can train myself to use them for the pain they were prescribed for. It will take time because I'm not ready. The pills are an outlet for me that should not be.

    I know you're coming from a good place. I know you are. I don't know how to stop right now. I'm almost afraid to stop because I'm afraid of what might replace it as I've had bouts of addiction throughout my life. The worst of which was to meth for 2 years. Now I can truly say the taste for meth is waaaay behind me, but addictions and destructive behaviors come in many forms.

    I'm at a loss right now. My behavior regarding these pills is stupid. Especially since I have children to raise and lead by example. I'm angry at myself for this.

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Yes, you are an addict and we addicts are very good at justifying our use. We are not good at facing or dealing with reality. We are good at switching addictions if need be and at denying the underlying mental illness that makes us use to cope.

    I am glad you will keep posting your BS and the fact that you chose a recovery forum suggests that you do want to be clean despite the assertion that you are not "ready." You don't need an intervention. What you need is to treat the depression. Depression results from messed up neurotransmitter amounts. For many, 9 months of an antidepressant is all they need. "Forever" treatment is not needed. For some though, the brain is unable to repair and longer therapy is needed. Good food and exercise can help some but brain cells that have malfunctioned (often as a result of previous drug use, genetics, life stress) need some help.

    Opiates cause the endocrine dysfunction as does meth. Reducing the dose may help but the reality is the opiates themselves simply continue the dysfunction. Read about opiates and what they do to the HPA axis.

    I hope at some point you will be willing to get help for yourself. Your children really do need you and they are very intuitive. They know something isn't right. My 9 year old son even asked me about my sadness. I spent a very long time disconnected from my family. It feels great to be feeling again!!

    Best of luck to you when you are ready to heal.
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