Junglegog-I'm an addict and will always find a reason in my own mind to use. I'm aware of that. I need to control my usage. I don't have the luxury to go get the help we see on the TV show Intervention. I'm ashamed of this mess I'm in. I'm a mother of 3 who isn't coping properly. I'm using a substance because it's easier to use than do the work to get my shit together. I'm aware of all of my poop butt ass excuses to use.
With that being said, I will continue to document my BS on this forum as everybody on here knows the drill. If I had a head cold I would use more. If I had a hemorrhoid I'd use more. That's the issue with drug addicts. We use when we're happy, we use when we're said, we use when it's raining and when the sun is out.
I'm trying to go from 8 pills a day to 4 pills a day as prescribed until I can train myself to use them for the pain they were prescribed for. It will take time because I'm not ready. The pills are an outlet for me that should not be.
I know you're coming from a good place. I know you are. I don't know how to stop right now. I'm almost afraid to stop because I'm afraid of what might replace it as I've had bouts of addiction throughout my life. The worst of which was to meth for 2 years. Now I can truly say the taste for meth is waaaay behind me, but addictions and destructive behaviors come in many forms.
I'm at a loss right now. My behavior regarding these pills is stupid. Especially since I have children to raise and lead by example. I'm angry at myself for this.