So I'm back. Still keeping this journal. I guess I've come to realize that I have a serious problem. The thing is if it's not opiates it's something else. I guess they are a crutch and one crutch is easily replaced with the other. I really need to find out what I am running from. That's a difficult question and I'm not even sure if I'm ready for the answer. Let me just be honest here. I have a serious addiction to drugs. I have had it for probably the last 5 years. It's real it's tangible I can feel it. It's a constant battle inside me, because I do know what's right. Eventually I became so ashamed that the only way to cope with it was to keep going deeper and deeper. I should say that emotionally I have hit rock bottom. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If I can just hold on maybe I can make it. Otherwise I'll be homeward bound.