My name is James and I was raised around drugs my life.
My parents were alcoholics, and my mother drank alcohol while she was pregnant with me from what I am told. I don't know much about genetics and alcoholism, but my dad drank a lot. So much that he would always take me to the bar with him when I was very little. He passed away in 1995 and I didn't even know until I got a letter from Social Security telling me my dad had passed away.
At that time in Cleveland, about 1989/1990 Parents divorced, our house ended up getting raided because my brother getting involved with all kinds of drugs when I was little. Seeing my mom getting plastic cuffs put on for no reason scared me a little when I was young. They trashed the house and found nothing. My mother, fed up with it all, packed us all and moved to PA in 1998.
From then she slowly ended up getting sick from smoking so much...(she smoked all her life) passed away in 2005 from diabetes, COPD, and congestive heart failure. I was really close to my mom and when she left me, I was lost.
Now I have a problem, I constant drank alcohol and smoked weed wherever I was at. Losing myself with drug and alcohol abuse which is really hard to say. But it's the truth and I know it. I'm just so used to it it's normal for me. I would steal medication sometimes, not really caring what would happen. I was getting very careless and just wrecking myself.
From there I have been staying with friends, couch to couch for the longest time. Until about 2007 When I ended up homeless.
With no underlying faith in any religion, I was forced to go to church while I was at a homeless shelter. 30 people living in one house is not fun. Nightly open prayer. Ended up there for 6 months until my sister allowed me to stay with her.
I eventually get back on my feet...
Got an apartment in Pittsburgh, PA. Was living alone, had my own apartment and everything. Met a girl and fell in love, and she got me into martial arts (she was a black belt herself). I loved every minute of it. The energy I had. I was getting in shape, advancing in classes....doing tournaments even.
But while I was doing all of that, I was abusing vodka going through 1.75 liters in about a day about 4 times a month. Eventually my drinking got so out of hand I ended up getting a public drunkenness once, and arguing with neighbors. Then it got so bad where I never paid my bills and my electric got shut off for a whole month....
Well long story short I ended up owing on the rent, and I was forced to move with some friends. Had to leave my girlfriend, and move about 120 miles away from Pittsburgh. This was about 2012. I stayed with them untill 2013. One day I was drinking very much, and I always kept in touch with her over the phone. I called her drunk and got nasty with her, blaming her and her parents for breaking us up...she left me.
Now present day I have problems with my health:
High blood pressure
Pains under my left rib
All from past alcohol abuse which has also ruined past relationships, ruined friendships and made me question myself.
I wanted to share my experiences with everyone and bring some insight from my perspective, while embracing opinions to better myself.
Right now I'm 32 years old and I live in Dayton, Ohio with my brother who has bipolar really bad. He uses almost any kind of drug, and drinks. Along and 4 other people. And there is a lot medication readily available, unused. Ritalin, Vyvanse, Adderall, all the Marijuana you can smoke.
The bills are always paid, and there's always food here too.
Comfortable..carefree environment labeled with enabling mistrust all over it.
And I'm in it big time.
I'm in a situation with limited income, with people I have been raised with all my life, who have known me all my life. My 2 nieces live here too but they are just so used to everything its like the norm here.
I can't afford a place on my own and I don't know anyone else I could live with so I am kinda stuck here at the moment.
I have a girlfriend I have been seeing for about 6 months. I love her to death and she knows nothing of anything I do but marijuana. I'm afraid to tell her anything and I hide it, which kinda eats me inside. I never get violent, I hardly ever yell about anything, and I let things eat me up inside.
I also have a disability with my vision that I was born with Myopic Degeneration and I am legally blind. I receive SSI as an Income. I can see okay to get around in life it's just I can't drive, and I stick to myself most of the time. I used to take Martial Arts and I am a green belt in Tang Soo Do. I Stopped When I left Pittsburgh, and I used to be in great shape. Now....not so much.
Past/current use 17^:
Alcohol...lots. I have always been a binge drinker since I was 21 and drank vodka very hard for about 2 years living in Pittsburgh. Stopped vodka.
I don't drink everyday anymore because I cant. I can't afford it. And when I don't have alcohol I am okay. No withdraws. Now 5 beers have me in pain, and I think my pancreas is crying. That, along with
Opiates rarely,and Amphetamines which I didn't start until I moved here to Dayton. I usually insufflate, except for Vyvanse, I have been doing this every month since January 2014, taking breaks in between but I would always binge. and I still do binge.
I've been around all of this for so long its all i'm used to. and I want to do something about it before I destroy myself. I procrastinate on doing things. I pay my bills but I splurge when I have the money available. I need to see a doctor but I've been putting that off too and I hate it.
I have insurance but only medicare until Medicaid clears, so I have to do an intake at a psychiatrist.
Well after sharing my story I want to say this. I've made poor choices in my life. But I am optimistic that it's not too late for me.
Thank you for reading my story. Be safe.