Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone
This is slightly off-topic, I know, but I tried to send you a PM, Kamuix, and it said you weren't accepting private messages, or weren't allowed them. So I guess I will post the reply here.
(the below was narrated to me by my pet frog.)
Hey. I saw your post.
It's pretty similar for me, I suppose. Growing up I always felt socially outcast and avoided anything I didn't absolutely have to do.
Talking with people, they usually cannot tell that I'm avoidant and anxious. I tend to have a good outside persona, but inside it is very stressful for me and I avoid talking to people at all costs... so I guess it is different for me and you.
Even if my friend, who I've known for almost 20 years now, comes over, I get anxious and need something to self-medicate to relieve myself.
I suffer from some other problems like social anxiety, depression, and I'm obsessive/compulsive. I'm sure I probably missed something
The DXM thing... well... I have to say I felt like it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It was a great escape from myself. But where I'm at now.... damn. I suffer all the time from the cravings, and boy are they more than just 'cravings.' I don't know how to get out of the mess I'm in right now, but I've been making big steps.
If you read my tale, you probably know that I'm basically a loser A lot of it is the avoidance and the social anxiety. I don't make friends, I don't go out, I don't have any money, I live with my parents. I'm on the computer all the time.
Still, I'm making some big steps... going to see a doctor, trying to make my addiction known. Because for me, it's definitely an addiction... and I want to use forever, for the rest of my life, and I can't.
I also feel like my development has been arrested and I stopped growing in a lot of ways since I was a teenager. Being avoidant and always using DXM and being by myself has meant that I haven't been exposed to lots of new experiences... sure, some, but I've definitely missed out on a lot of stuff.
Where I'm at right now, I know I have to stop using for a while (every 2-3 days for 15 years has kicked my ass), but I can't see myself just stopping 'forever.' I can just tell myself, you know, I'll take a break for a bit. But living without drugs? man, that seems like the ultimate hell.
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My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone else - Part 6
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