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  1. Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    This is slightly off-topic, I know, but I tried to send you a PM, Kamuix, and it said you weren't accepting private messages, or weren't allowed them. So I guess I will post the reply here.

    (the below was narrated to me by my pet frog.)
    --------

    Hey. I saw your post.

    It's pretty similar for me, I suppose. Growing up I always felt socially outcast and avoided anything I didn't absolutely have to do.

    Talking with people, they usually cannot tell that I'm avoidant and anxious. I tend to have a good outside persona, but inside it is very stressful for me and I avoid talking to people at all costs... so I guess it is different for me and you.

    Even if my friend, who I've known for almost 20 years now, comes over, I get anxious and need something to self-medicate to relieve myself.

    I suffer from some other problems like social anxiety, depression, and I'm obsessive/compulsive. I'm sure I probably missed something :p

    The DXM thing... well... I have to say I felt like it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It was a great escape from myself. But where I'm at now.... damn. I suffer all the time from the cravings, and boy are they more than just 'cravings.' I don't know how to get out of the mess I'm in right now, but I've been making big steps.

    If you read my tale, you probably know that I'm basically a loser :p A lot of it is the avoidance and the social anxiety. I don't make friends, I don't go out, I don't have any money, I live with my parents. I'm on the computer all the time.

    Still, I'm making some big steps... going to see a doctor, trying to make my addiction known. Because for me, it's definitely an addiction... and I want to use forever, for the rest of my life, and I can't.

    I also feel like my development has been arrested and I stopped growing in a lot of ways since I was a teenager. Being avoidant and always using DXM and being by myself has meant that I haven't been exposed to lots of new experiences... sure, some, but I've definitely missed out on a lot of stuff.

    Where I'm at right now, I know I have to stop using for a while (every 2-3 days for 15 years has kicked my ass), but I can't see myself just stopping 'forever.' I can just tell myself, you know, I'll take a break for a bit. But living without drugs? man, that seems like the ultimate hell.

    tyrus

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  1. StevenJones666
    Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    Tyrus568, I read your story and the beginning describes me almost perfectly. I too started DXM when I was 17. I have been sober from DXM for 1 year and a month, but only a month on my own because for a year I was in prison. I only did DXM for 2 years but during those 2 years I managed to get 6 shoplifting tickets, I lost 3 girlfriends, I had to go to the hospital 3 times, I went to treatment twice, and I was on probation the entire time. I am 20 years old. For those 2 years, literally, I was only sober 60 days and that's because I was in treatment. I was taking around 1,500 mgs on a daily basis. It was nice to find this story because I thought I was to only person who had a big problem with DXM. I'm done with DXM now but I do miss the fun times I used to have. Well I wish you the best and if you wish to reply to this you will get an answer from me.
  2. tiramisu4you
    Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    My talking chess board had a DXM habit throughout the university years that tapered off in his final year and after graduation to only a couple times a year. This was because after about three years of chronic DXM use (350 - 725 mg always hit the spot), chess board eventually lost the magic (i.e. stopped reaping the positive effects on mind and spirit, the DXM virtual space where everything is possible, etc.) and would always have a disgustingly bad trip (e.g. paranoid that papa chess board would come into the room and decapitate him, afraid that he was raped when a baby, nightmare revelations that he and his girlfriend and everybody in his social circle is actually transsexual but an invisible transsexual social bubble or net has protected them from the cruel outside world all these years, etc.) Chess board stopped DXM cold turkey last year when he humiliated himself by sending emails to family members to confirm that he wasn't raped as a baby. Wow. Checkmate.

    Chess board had an on-off opiate problem (access to ridiculously cheap over-the-counter pure dihydro-codeine) for about three years until this summer. In July, he had his first real 4-aco-dmt trip (~25mgs). It was complete therapy for Chess board and he hasn't been compelled to return to opiates since.

    Chess board believes a strong dose of a mind-expanding purer psychedelic/tryptamine/phenethylamine may do wonders for your opiate issue, or rather, your spirit issue.

    Oh, and you have great taste in videogames. Chess board bought Final Fantasy Tactics when Chess board was 17 years old cause Chess board was like "it's Final Fantasy. I liked Final Fantasy on SNES"... and lo and behold, it was a masterpiece in all the ways he never expected it to be.

    Diablo 2 and Final Fantasy IX, also premium games.

    Chess board look forward to finally getting into the Disgaea series soon.
  3. PsychedelicSoul
    Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    It's amazing how relatable dxm users are to one another, Swim's life with dxm is very similar as well as certain emotional and mental aspects, swim believes dxm addiction has nothing to do with the body or mind being depended on it but the feeling of the drug and state of mind is unlike any other that when one comes back to reality it is well hard to come back to reality of reality, when you can live in a euphoric dream world where everything is like----////
  4. Seraph
    Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    DXM does not create addiction by affecting the my opioid receptors, it creates addiction by being an NMDA antagonist, in the same way that someone can be addicted to ketamine. DXM physical withdrawals are possible and they are not like opiate withdrawals, I have experienced both opiate withdrawals and DXM withdrawals and they are not the same. Opiate withdrawals are worse but DXM withdrawals are more distressing. When I was withdrawing from DXM I got extreme muscle spasms in my legs that only went away when I took more DXM. On Erowid there is a report of someone who quit constant very-high-dose DXM use and in a big room full of people he shouted 'I HATE MY F**KING LIFE' and he cut himself or something, I don't have the link but I remember reading it but if you want to find reports on DXM withdrawal just look on Erowid.
  5. Kamuix
    Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    Whoops *turns pms back on*

    Yea DXM does feel really good for those with anxiety. How long has swiy been without dxm now? is DXm the only drug he uses?

    Swim uses dxm still now and then. but quitting IS hard. especially when he's.... floating way!
  6. kailey_elise
    Re: My tale of fifteen years of DXM abuse... ...and looking for advice like everyone

    A detox center could be good; it can be easier to deal with cravings when there is absolutely no way to get one's Drug Of Choice (DOC on the forum, not Department of Corrections! *snicker*).

    Detox facilities usually have groups to keep the patient busy, and these groups talk about how to handle the difficulties in ones head when trying to stay away from substances - cravings, how to occupy your time, how to help get out of your head, saying no when you wanna say yes, things like that.

    Don't write off an in-patient detox just because you were able to white-knuckle it (force yourself to stay sober at any cost) on your own in the past. The counseling and intensive groups (not that the groups are necessarily intense, but having 3-7 of them a day is intense) can be helpful for many people.

    If one is not working at the moment, it's often an easy transition from an in-patient program to an out-patient program, which would be groups for X hours a day to help ease the transition as well as give one more coping skills & strategies. Most programs I've heard of are 4 hours if a day program & 3 hours if an evening program (which many can attend even if working), and vary in size from a very cozy 2 clients & 1 clinician to an obnoxious 15 clients & 1 clinician - one can ask around to see what the programs are like in their area.

    You can also get a referral to an out-patient program from a therapist.

    It also sounds like the person who wrote that notebook might benefit more from a dual-diagnosis unit if possible, rather than a straight detox. They should ask the social worker about this.

    Good luck

    ~Kailey