Nearly 40 days - will I ever feel ok? - Part 4

By Fidget247 · Sep 14, 2014 · ·
  1. Back to day 1.

    Had the huge task of moving all my stuff recently. Relapsed when I found some Fentanyl patches. A few panic attacks, crazy moments & a couple of OD'S later I'm luckily still here to start over.

    Thanks Capo for your words of wisdom when I needed them most! I'm keen to try again & am hoping to make the 6 month mark my first goal. Scared about tomorrow, got the flu too which doesn't help.

    But.. here we go, for a new tomorrow and for...
    All the people I nodd off on, an increase in funds, a decrease in lies, a better standard of life, a memorable concept of time AND just for me.. so I can live all the days of my life.

    Ready to try again, annoyed but not going to beat myself up over it.


  1. Fidget247
    I delayed the inevitable.. now I'm truly scared. I'm tapped out & in no place to go through this.
  2. Cwb20022
    What happened? Are you doing okay?
  3. tatittle
    A lot of the depression may stem from guilt and shame. These things can be debilitating to anyone. I can only suggest that you forgive yourself and recognize that you are a good person with good intentions who has developed and been a victim of an illness largely beyond their control. This becomes even more difficult when we have to face people we have harmed, more even when they do not forgive us. If you are religious Confession may help you. These issues are also one of the primary reasons support groups like NA and AA can be so valuable. Some of the groups are full of clich├ęs and drama...but sik have found that if I search long enough sik can find a small group of folks who are truly priceless in their value. The other side of that is sik must learn to be honest with them...perhaps especially about things that seem like they shouldn't matter. Addictive thinking can be difficult to self-identify and it turns into addictive behavior which turns into using. I would search around until I found someone who really seems to be successful at long term sobriety and then spend as much time with them as possible...even if they turn you down as sponsor at first. Otherwise, analysts etc can help one work through these issues.
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