No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 11

By cbabycee · Jan 16, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    God I can't believe it is a year since I made this post, and here I am still. 24 hours since i last used heroin. I have taken 10mg subutex from my prescription early hours this morning. I'm ok. Payday today. Great. I'm NOT going to USE in 36 hours I have had 30mg subs so I won't feel it anyway.

    I so need some support :(

    I am going to do it this time. Enough is enough. I lost my job, my boyfriend is on to me. My daughter made me pinky promise I'd stop by text for fucks sake what am I doing I am
    So angry at myself. I have a good life, a great family. I have the perfect building blocks.

    So many worse off than me, I am not a stupid woman. So why am I hurting myself with this shit???


  1. soso
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Probably because things aren't that bad, you say you got a great life and great family and you obviously enjoy using. Your probably torn because its what you THINK you should do but it's not actually what you WANT to do, there's a massive difference. I struggled with crack and heroine adiction for many years and know what your going through.
    What you did scares the shit out of me, being clean for so long then deciding to use again for no aparant reason only to quickly fall back into the adict way of thinking. I've been clean a couple of years now and I know I could never touch crack or heroin without it fucking me up again.
    It usually takes things to get really bad to make us quit and it doesn't seem it's like that for you which will make it harder for you to stop.
  2. Kitts
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Hey Cee, welcome back. You can do it. You did it before. Read through and see what great progress you made in this thread. Well done for taking the first steps to fix this. It takes a few attempts sometimes, I know it has with me. I'm sure you'll get lots of support here.

    Sorry about your job. If you have extra time on your hands, maybe now is a good time to tackle this and you can concentrate on it fully. Do you have good support around you? Have you got a supportive keyworker, drug centre?

    Wishing you the best, Kitts.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!