No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 17

By cbabycee · Jan 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Morning soso, thanks for the input. I do think a lot is psychological.

    After writing that I drank my hot chocolate and went back to bed and woke up at 11am with people screaming at me, as of course is the way when u really need sleep.

    My mother came to take me shopping, money been really tight with no work so she been helping out she knows I had t slept for 3 nights and I asked her to call me first but I guess she has her own problems.

    I guess I took that out on my boyfriend, but he has his own issues mainly gambling which really isn't helping money wise, plus his attention is on that rather than me. That hurts sometimes, another reason I buried myself in addiction. I have told him and told him he needs help. He throws at me I have problems too, yes, I do but I'm doing something about it. Well I'm not funding his addiction anymore he can deal with it himself. He can do better and I think he was burying himself in his addiction so as not to notice mine if that makes sense. So I will take the first steps to get us both out of this mess. He thinks money is tight, if I can win some it will make things easier. If I can ease the pressure by earning im hoping that relieves his need to try and provide. He doesnwork too, plus I want him not worrying about me, we've had a nice weekend together, I so want to get back to that.

    I do feel a lot better after the sleep, my tummy still tickly but I am starting to think that is the lactose in the subs as I am intolerant and didn't realise they contained lactose before. So I will take the buscopan to counteract. Gotta be better than heroin x

    So even after mum and boyfriend screaming after me, going out shopping alone with money in my pocket crying my eyes out thinking 'gear' I didn't score, didn't even really consider it, I had my excuse right there too! That is another step :)

    Hope u all have a strong day today x

Comments

  1. nursemarie
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Is the boyfriend something you just can't live without? I've found some people just really precipitate the cycle for you. Especially ones with their own addictions. That's just imo. One step at a time. Just a consideration.
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