Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost
I could live without him. I wouldn't want to, we been together 3 years, he is good for me and I have lied and cheated on him with a drug.
Since I wrote last the shit has really hit the fan. I have told him Whats been going on. My use etc. he knew anyway just not the extent and how often etc.
He said he could tell when I used coz I was happy, when I woke up I was miserable then later is be happy. So I asked if I was happy in the future what he'd think. He said he'd consider if I was high. That hurt. But then he just found his girlfriend has been lying to him for months. He said he doesn't want to leave. I think maybe he should. I think maybe we're broken. Trust is something that is very hard to get back.
I know we could fix it but how does he trust me? There is nothing I can say or do to make him believe me that Ive had enough. He said he thinks I'll alway be a user.
I don't know how I feel about that. I need him to believe in me.
I will do this with or without him. If heroin destroys this relationship, it's is the lAst thing of mine it will destroy.
No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 18