No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 18

By cbabycee · Jan 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    I could live without him. I wouldn't want to, we been together 3 years, he is good for me and I have lied and cheated on him with a drug.

    Since I wrote last the shit has really hit the fan. I have told him Whats been going on. My use etc. he knew anyway just not the extent and how often etc.

    He said he could tell when I used coz I was happy, when I woke up I was miserable then later is be happy. So I asked if I was happy in the future what he'd think. He said he'd consider if I was high. That hurt. But then he just found his girlfriend has been lying to him for months. He said he doesn't want to leave. I think maybe he should. I think maybe we're broken. Trust is something that is very hard to get back.

    I know we could fix it but how does he trust me? There is nothing I can say or do to make him believe me that Ive had enough. He said he thinks I'll alway be a user.

    I don't know how I feel about that. I need him to believe in me.

    I will do this with or without him. If heroin destroys this relationship, it's is the lAst thing of mine it will destroy.

    No more.

Comments

  1. nursemarie
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Well if you really think it's worth the long haul keep trying. Maybe if you were willing to periodically drug test and show him you can rebuild. Having been on his side of the fence, believing an addict then finding out they're lying again is excruciating and exhausting. Don't let him throw it in your face though. Be a woman of strong resolve say this is what I'm willing to do to rebuild your trust (and you have to give something big there ) and he can love it or leave it. Make a concerted effort but don't beat yourself up and don't let anyone else either
  2. Kitts
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Cee,

    I know it's a tough time at the moment, you're under a lot of stress. You've got a new job to start next week in addition to the withdrawal. Perhaps your relationship will end, perhaps your partner is not for you... But the withdrawal puts a lot of added pressure and messes with your emotions and reasoning. Now might not be the best time to make any far-reaching decisions. I know you need to address his addictive problems too, the gambling - but perhaps it could all simmer down a little until you feel stronger.

    How about you just focus on getting through the next couple of days, adjusting to not using, and leave the relationship audit until you're feeling stronger?
    Just a thought.

    Hang on in there girl, you've come a long way x
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