No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 20

By cbabycee · Jan 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Thank you kitts I appreciate youve been here this whole year offering support.

    I feel in a good place. Last time I decided to stop I wasn't done, it was more because he had found out. Now I'm done. Really crack is my doc and the heroin walks hand in hand. I get addicted to the heroin and I can take or leave the crack. I'm done with that too. Man we have a dealer who does like 4 bags of either for the price of 2. Good stuff so I'd always get at least 1 stone. I can't remember the last time I used crack now... It has to be a good few weeks ago. I'm glad about that as that used to be my problem.

    I was getting to a point where I was considering injexting, shoplifting etc. whoah nah that ain't happening ugh horrible nastiness.

    I really hate heroin. It takes so much of ur time. Your life. Your enjoyment of little things and big things. Xmas was shit coz of no money/little drugs. Like I said i couldn't afford presents but I could score everyday. What kind of person is that making me.

    My boyfriends brother paid for us to go to a festival hotel drinks everything a few months ago, all I could think was when can I go home and score rather than enjoying a rare weekend away from the kids with my bf.

    We all deserve so much more than what heroin or any opiate gives us. As I said in my first post, there is no happy ending with heroin, no unicorns and rainbows!

    Yeah I wanted to keep the thread as ine so I can keep track and others can see getting that script isn't the end of your battle. And also show that it can be done because I will do it.

    Having a good day even after the shit. Bf still here being sweet cooked a big dinner. I'm so enjoying food today, eating yogurts with mowams lol happy that in the morning it's 4 days since i last used.

    I'm gonna sleep tonight. Only 8mls subs today see how it goes. If I need the other 2 ml I'll take it. Took it when I started yawning and shivers.

    Just enjoying a hot bubble bath! I hope everyone is well ;)


  1. nursemarie
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Your unicorns and rainbows are in the mail. ;) you're doing great. Now just keep going.
  2. cbabycee
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Ahah my unicorns and rainbows are the feelings I get when I beat this bitch x

    Had a great sleep no problems, how are you doing nursemarie are things getting easier for you?

    I'm wondering about staying on maintained subutex, or whether I should get off as quickly as I can, this is something I really need to consider.
  3. soso
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    I wouldn't rush into getting off the subs yet but I'd definately want to be on as low a dose as possible. The main thing right now is stabalizeing and not relapsing. It's only been a few days since you was using heroin, don't make any big decisions untill things even out a bit.
    If you sleeping ok then things will start getting easier and you be ready to start your new job no problem. Get them fat pay checks coming in and if your upset about a shit Christmas when you get paid treat the kids, fuck it treat yourself too.
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