No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 22

By cbabycee · Jan 19, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Haha ;) of course I have no intention of using again ever. But for now I'm gonna take this day by day.

    That is all I can give anyone getting through another day of not using. I don't feel any withdrawals today.

    My drug worker is off till weds but left notes with the duty incase I needed more meds or a chat or anything. I want to do a test today to see that it's gone. So I just called and asked if that was ok. It's good for me and my doc will be happy. Last week I made appointment to see my worker on weds that was before I found out i was starting work tomorrow, don't really want time out on my 2nd day, so going up today shows i am working with them.

    Plus 6 weeks negative tests means no supervision dosing, I can work my taper and find my dose better that way.

    I know Rome wasn't built in a day been here before. This time I'm ready.

    So i got my day planned housework, drug help then a trip to the next town to get a copy of my birth certificate. Because although clearly I am British born here, I still have to proove I have the right to work in my own county - crazy eh!!!

    I also called some of the companies I owe money to and arranged to pay them this morning. Debts are a big trigger for me so im taking control. I had a court summons for non payment of council tax which was all down to laziness not sending the benefit form back. Sorted in an10 min phone call. No more court date!

    So I'm starting to take back control of my own life. Growing up can be so hard especially when u are 35 and should be grown up already!!!!

    I still have money in the bank, and paid a £100 to a bill, that was good, normally I'd have spent that in heroin! One less thing to worry about :) not gotta worry about how long I have the heating on or whether I got enough fuel in the car is great!

    I look better too. I know there are horror stories about subs, but they are so much better than methadone. For the cravings and just the fact that u know if u use u won't feel it, I don't anyway. They help into breathe and get strong enough to battle the addiction head on.

    I won't rush it but would like to think I will be clean by the time I am 36 that is 7 months away. I think that is doable with a slow taper I know here they can reduce by .4182mg or something. It's a strange amount but to do with the combined ceiling amounts of the agents.

    Ah soso your uk too, I'm glad for that we have much less in the way of barriers with our amazing nhs, which is getting a knocking atm, God knows where id be in the states with paying for everything, I'd probably think h is cheaper....

    Anyway it's bloody cold im gonna get up and move about if just to get warmer!!

    Laters :)


  1. Kitts
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Ah that's such a brilliant post Cee. You really are kicking butt! This is exactly the sort of thing you need to be doing to take back control and move forward. I'm well impressed.

    You're right about how lucky we are in the UK. Our drug services really want to help us get our lives back. In the USA it's a whole business and they seem to want them on the maintenance to make more money. Plus some poeple drive for hours to queue up.. I was moaning last week waiting outside in the rain for 5 mins before I remembered that.

    Keep going Cee. You're an inspiration.
  2. cbabycee
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Thanks Kitts, I appreciate the support. I write this sat in the csmt waiting to do my test. I hope it's clean, 4 days should be enough.

    Feeling a bit nervous and no idea why tummy tickling again. I did only have 8ml subs yesterday about this time x

    Clean test whoooopeeeee!!!!
  3. nursemarie
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Um no I still can't sleep lol haven't done it in a month. Exhausted. Don't rush off the subs. You're in a good place right now. Imo I don't really see the issue in taking it indefinitely if it helps. Do one thing at a time. Why are you worried about getting off something you just started? You're being too hard on yourself missy!! :)
  4. cbabycee
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Lol no not really i want ivf to have it free i need to be younger than 37 x
  5. paregoric
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    dont worry too much about age cbabycee! me and you are both 35 years young and we still got plenty of time to live life! just the fact that ur stabilizing on the subs and getting ur life in order is huge, considering the damage all of us leave behind when using. im still trying to figure out how to get outta some problems ive created for myself but everything will get sorted in its right time. cant rush things too much, just gotta keep plugging away until its all past.

    hey nursemarie, that really sucks that you still cant sleep. you must have it down to a science on how to get through the night with out losing it!
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