No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :( (but found myself again a happy ending) - Part 33

By cbabycee · Jan 31, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Hi all, thank you all for your support.

    My son is fine thank you for asking, no probs at all thank God, as that would have been a different story.

    Sleepy nurse, it's fucking hard. Tonight has been really really really fucking difficult for some reason. Maybe coming home to a house like a shit tip a very merry boyfriend and his friend with fuck all done.

    Ok so bf has been to csmt today for assessment, great big step but jeez be taken time off work sick he not sick, he could have washed up or something, on top of that im dealing with dealing with life and all this shit and emotions plus that time of the month and I really fucking want to just cut loose and have fun and de-stress like normal people do. But oh fucking wait I can't do that can i?

    I have this ball of rage inside me right now I flipped at Glyn snapped at the kids, I don't know how to cope without breaking and im the fucking crazy one?? Does he have a fucking clue what it's like to deal with all this shit with no fucking release?? No he fucking doesn't because he gets to sit at home drinking and smoking all fucking day arrggggghhhhhhh

    And date night on Saturday gas turned into can my mate come. Like right this minute I want to tell him to fuck off with his mate and i stay home and get fucking smashed.

    Man give me a fucking break. I'm doing everything I fucking should be Going to work, seeing my worker it's just not fucking fair how come he's ok to dribk drink drink?

    And still I haven't scored although i fucking want too. But I have drug testing monday.

    I got to find a way to slay this dragon inside of me before it snaps someone clean in half ������

Comments

  1. soso
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    It sounds like your bf being a right bell end, after what he's just done gettin pissed up and crashing the car he should really be making an effort to make things right with you. Wait till he's not drunk then sit down and tell him exactly how you feel. Does he get wasted or just have a few beers? What's he like when he's drunk, is he happy or depressed? My mrs used to drink a lot, most days, and I hated it because she would get argumentative and depressed. I fucked off and refused to come back until she sorted herself out. If she was having a laugh I wouldn't mind but we just had row after row. I went back to hers just after new year and she hasn't had a drink since, she's like a different person now and we gettin on good, For now.

    Scoring and using might feel like a release but it's only very temporary, all the problems don't go away, it's just easy not to think about it. When the drugs are gone the problems still remain.
    You doing so well I hate the thought of you slipping up, gettin clean is full of ups and downs, one minute I was feeling great and looking to a bright future then I was depressed as fuck thinking how bad I fucked up in life. It levels out eventually so you just got to ride out the lows and make the most out of the highs.
    Get that clean test on Monday and it will give you a little boost.
  2. redrivergorge
    Re: No idea how I got here, feeling a bit lost :(

    Hang in there. Thats how us addicts think. Lifes hard so I'll just use whats the point. I can't use so I'll drink instead. It only makes it worse. Don't let the BF get to you. We blow stuff out of proportion its another trick our minds play on us to make us think its ok to use.

    I haven't shot dope in 5 years this coming march. I had a nice court ordered drug testing period that helped me get away from it and everything for a few years. I slowly started drinking to a point I was drinking atleast 6 beers a night with up to a 12 pack on my days off. Its all I wanted to do. Luckily I didn't get my self in trouble. Lifes still good and I haven't had a drink in over a month. I came really close to really getting sucked back in to the world of addiction.

    My point is don't use anything you need a break to get your mind straight. You wanting to use something now to cope will just mess everything youve been working towards up. I don't like methadone or suboxone for that reason. I feel like it keeps us used to that crutch of chemicals. You need it though so you can keep that good job. Nothing like a purpose to keep your mind off things and something to work towards. Keep it up don't use today. It gets easier a lot easier.
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