My boyfriend just broke up with me because I am trying several days in a row to get pregnant with the donor instead of just one. It didn’t work last month just trying one day. Medical lit shows the few days up to ovulation are the best to try during. So it shall be. I need this baby.
But his leaving me is making me want to go get 10’s fiercely. I just asked my pharmacologist friend if it will affect the conception. Awaiting his answer.
It’s best we break up before the pregnancy. My boyfriend is a brilliant mad scientist; I love him terribly. He is truly the love of my life. My husband is a kindly old man I met at the strip club in my youth. He is an enabler. My boyfriend on the other hand, is the smartest man I’ve ever met. He dazzles me with his wit and charm. Sometimes he reminds me of Hannibal Lector. Beyond brilliant psychologist, with a touch of something evil underneath. I was ok with that.
But he argues with me regularly, and makes me want to escape reality with palliatives.
So right now, I am at a crossroad between good and evil. I feel like Dante, having to climb over Lucifer to make it back to Earth. Do I go get these pills, or do I just go cry silently on the floor of my closet until I am drained and remain miserable all day? Since my first stint in rehab at 14, I’ve lived in this wonderland where happiness is my ultimate goal. But I know in event I’m not, there are things that can artificially bring me there.
I survived the childhood from hell... being sold on the open market for crack, chained by my ankle to a radiator in a crack house day in and day out, for years.
I will survive anything else that comes my way. Will I go get the pills? That remains to be seen. Stick around to find out...
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