Hey yall, wish I had come back sooner and seen these replies, it probably would have helped me a lot more than I helped myself. I kind of went off the deep end after writing this, and it's easier to fall when you have someone to fall with. My best friend had just experimented shooting up and he got a few opanas, so I kind of fell off with him for a while...
That's seriously the worst decision I've made in my life. I don't even feel normal on 70mg of hydrocodone, and an oxy 80 barely quells the withdrawals. I've caught myself driving by the Narc Anon group meetings a few times always wanting to go in, but never having the strength to till I'm high, and by that time I just blow it off.
Shooting up with my boy has taken away the stigma of doing it alone, and that shit really scares me because I've caught myself multiple times getting it all ready at home. It's been a few weeks since I've shot, and even though I know where more spikes are, I'm putting that behind me.
It's been a week and I've tried weening myself down again, but considering I've done my girlfriend wrong by popping the pills I was supposed to sell for her, I'm going cold. So it's been a week, hopefully this is the first week to the rest of my life.
The main thing I want from this is to feel happy, happy without substance. I've never loved myself, and I know that's the main key to beating this shit, but the pill high is beginning to feel like the meth high and I can't stand myself on it.
This is day 8, and I'm trying to be strong when I really wanna pop a pill. I'm gonna mow my moms yard and if I'm done in time, I'm gonna hit up that NA meeting.
Sorry for falling off for a while x.x
Good ole boy added 1312 Minutes and 55 Seconds later...
I'm gonna call this day 2 of the log, since I fucked it off for a while, and hopefully keeping a log will help with will power.
I'm halfway through the day, already had two people hittin the phone to sell or buy. I've talked back, just bullshit mostly. I mowed my yard yesterday, but skipped the anon meeting cuz I thought it started at 7:30, not 7:00.
I'm feeling pretty shitty, but ganja helped with this feeling last night, so I may toke a little before I go back to school. I know weed is the only thing that saved me last time I quit and stayed clean for six months, so hopefully this will help me fight the stomach pains and urges to score out.
My day is halfway over, I'm debating on hitting that anon meeting tonight, seeing what that's about. The only thing that makes me nervous is all these job interviews I'm getting, and how my anxiety will fuck with me in them. That'll be the real stress test to today.
I'll post more either tonight after anon, or tomorrow at lunch. Gonna try and keep this going.
*also if I'm doing this wrong, criticism is accepted cuz I'm not a big ToU reader, sorry x.x *